Stressed out and pregnant

I like waking up to an empty house. Always have done. I do especially like it considering who I live with now because it gives me a few minutes where the noise I make doesn’t matter and I won’t be questioned about it.

I began writing a blog a while ago (probably two weeks now) about the baby scan but I kept getting distracted and GC’s brother didn’t pay the internet bill so I kinda just gave up with it. But the good news is the baby is a good size, healthy and in the low risk group of downs syndrome. I’d love this baby whatever disability it had but Downs Syndrome from what I understand can make for a higher risk of miscarriage so it’s just good news to me. The lower I can keep that risk, the happier I’ll be.

We went town the Sunday after the scan to pick up some bits and believe me town is a lot harder for me. The plan was once my dad had told my older brother who was trying for a baby about the pregnancy, we would tell everyone else. To be honest though, before he’d even told us that he’d told my brother, I decided that since we’re already out and about we could visit GC’s family since the bus goes all the way round. But before we managed to contact anyone on my partner’s side, my dad called to tell me that he had got in touch with my brother.

We told GC’s mum first via the phone as he was annoyed with her over other things and wasn’t that interested in face to face. His sister was next, she was happy for us and her kids just seemed kinda blaise to the news which I found funny. Then we took a taxi to his aunt and cousins and I think it finally hit her just before we left because she started crying. We talked about SIL1 and she said I was welcome up anytime and so I had plans to see her that following Tuesday rather than go up to my dads. We got home late so we couldn’t tell SIL1 and that niece but I didn’t really care and GC didn’t care. I did however tell him on Monday, after work we should just tell her so it’s done even though I knew the reaction we were going to get would be: “I already knew it” because she’d been saying it for the past two weeks.

She had no concrete proof of this. But we were pretty loud about it so she probably over-heard something but also she had been saying it since we started dating and if you keep saying something enough times, it’s likely that it’ll be right eventually.

I went to his aunts that Tuesday. She and GC’s cousins are lovely but I wasn’t comfortable there because it’s not my house. I couldn’t fall asleep in front of them and she kept commenting I wasn’t eating and drinking and yes, the drinking one is fair but I still throw up if I eat too much (believe me) or don’t have my pills on me so I wasn’t eating but not eating is much better than throwing up. But it makes me reluctant to want to go up again because I really don’t need to be spoken to like I don’t know what I’m doing, like I haven’t spoken to the doctors multiple times about it and am pretty sure this is the correct course of action for me.

Whilst with his aunt, SIL1 kept messaging me and saying she’d be there for me and basically it boiled down to, let’s start again. Which I was prepared to do. When I went out the following Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, it was because I had already planned to due to a doctors appointment and Friday being the day my younger brother has a half day so I tend to say (even though I usually get too tired to) I will hang out with him. However, during the messages SIL1 sent me she told me that her kid (my fiance’s niece) missed her uncle and it wasn’t fair. I just brushed that off as SIL1 being a bit manipulative because she’s still upset GC won’t do anything for her anymore.

That’s when GC told me his brother told him what happened. That Sunday when we weren’t even home and were going around telling everyone, SIL1, GC’s brother and the niece were having Sunday dinner but the niece refused to eat because her uncle wasn’t there. The two haven’t hung out and definitely not ate together in ages and after talking to my dad, I realised that the niece had heard SIL1 say I was pregnant to others and was now doing this because she was jealous. After speaking to a couple of other people about it, I decided that a jealous child would not be holding my baby. I don’t care how unhappy that makes everyone.

Overall, I’m pretty stressed out at the moment and it really does suck that it’s GC’s family making me feel that way. Not all of them. I still like his brother and sister. But everyone else wants me to do things for them but won’t do anything for me. GC keeps saying his family argues but are there for each other. I don’t want that. I don’t want people I argue with or get upset about with me during an emergency and they’ve never been there for me so again, why should I be there for them? It sounds mean but I’m sick of being the stressed out pregnant chick.

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