Bipolar, BPD and pregnant

Last time I wrote a post I was getting over RH and I’m happy to say I’m over him. I’m engaged to GC and realised from actually having proper sex with GC that what RH and I did that I called sex wasn’t actually sex… He couldn’t get it in because he didn’t turn me on and back then it was harder to do due to PTSD trauma.

I stopped writing on this blog because I was happier and busier and life just seemed to be going too fast for even my mind to catch up, let alone write it all down. But I’m pregnant now (approx 10 weeks) and have been pretty tired, ill and run down recently so I’ve had time to sit and think and after God knows how long I feel ready to write again.

I got engaged in July last year, probably the last time I was truly happy. Which sounds kind of horrible to say but honestly it’s true. Since September I’ve been stressed and even worse pretty ill. July was a fun month tbh. I probably got engaged a little too prematurely and rash. I went to a club with GC Sister in law for her 30th birthday and got pretty drunk which was awesome. Lithium was holding me. 

August actually wasn’t too bad either, JS had her birthday at a club and again I got pretty drunk but unfortunately threw up… Not the prettiest of scenes but it was fun. Unfortunately I didn’t really hear from her after that and I don’t know whether she considers me to have ruined her birthday or what but I haven’t heard much from her since.

I also got diagnosed with borderline personality disorder in August (at least according to my medical records) so I was glad to finally know if I did or did not have that.

I dropped out of both colleges in September. The childcare course because I realised I didn’t want to do and the counselling course because I had no feasible way of making it there – but that’s just a long-ish logistical story.

I got admitted to hospital in October due to lithium toxicity and body jerking which still hasn’t fully gone. But reduced when I was taken off lithium which was good because in November I found out I was 4-5 weeks pregnant. 

It’s been kinda crazy these past few months. How has everyone else been?

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19 thoughts on “Bipolar, BPD and pregnant

    • From my partner and probably my dad. Most of my family live far away and I wouldn’t expect my younger brother who is still in school to be able to be there too much. I think he’d try though. My partners family – the ones I really get on with work and have kids of their own. Another one of his family members (his aunt) is too ill and his mum couldn’t afford to come over much. So not much in the way of support.
      Professional support I think depends on the perinatal assessment I’m supposed to have but God knows when that is.
      Overall, probably not a lot of close support.

      • You are inquisitive and a researcher so you will know a lot about this. Your risk factor for puerperal psychosis may be higher. It doesn’t mean it is a surety though. Teach those around you what to be aware of so they can help if necessary. If puerperal psychosis does appear. It is not forever, being aware is good but try not to stress over the possibility because it is only a possibility. Baby munchkin may surprise you with focus that gives you amazing strength.

        • A lot of people say it could give me a focus. I’ve looked at PND but not so much at the psychosis part just because I’m in denial it could happen. I will research it now though. I’ll try and educate people but some will also want to be in denial. Any good resources you recommend?

            • I looked on the nhs website and a blog last night and a lot of them say there is a strong link between bipolar and postpartum psychosis. A lot of the symptoms sounded like a bipolar manic episode or a psychotic depressive episode both of which I’ve had before so least it’s not something too new 😛

              My partner plans on having a month off work after the baby which is good. I tried explaining to him the symptoms a little last night but it was late and I don’t think he took it in, so I will probably try again at another point.

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