I went on a residential over the weekend as part of my work with the ‘next level voice group’ and I went through a lot of stages. I gave in my consent form kinda ad-lib in the hopes of hurrying up the youth worker I was waiting for as I felt a conversation about it would have taken up a lot of time and I was in a rush. Later, I realised just what I had signed up for and for a week or two alternated between anxiety and depression, I then got a little excited about it and then I got anxious about it again and that kind of continued.
I won’t bore you with all the details of the trip and what I learned but I’ll tell you my feelings to things that happened. Friday night wasn’t too bad because my room mate went to sleep pretty much when she got into bed (which was quite late since the workers decided to ignore the curfew they told us about) and I spent most of the night talking to my friend on skype plus I couldn’t sleep either.
Now once I had gotten a hold of the food situation I didn’t suffer so much from anxiety but I am a slow, messy, picky eater who also can’t eat a lot so I tended to not have a main or a starter after Friday night. I took part in the workshops and meetings but I can bet you I will get a label as “anti-social” because I decided not to sit downstairs for 3 hours at night talking to people I have nothing in common with. You bring me to a residential and I will do work but I won’t unnecessarily socialise with people. My socialising came from my friend on skype and my brother on whatsapp. Saturday night was particularly draining because my room mate had made a lot of friends and had got them all on snapchat and they were all snapchatting each other and I think I fell asleep before her but I woke up before her so it kinda worked out.
Sunday actually was a lot better because we didn’t need talk in anywhere but the workshop and at lunch I ran off to do a voice chat via skype with a friend (that lasted 45 mins and then when I got home it added up to about 8+ hours) and when I hung up to get in the taxi I had more confidence though I do find I have more confidence when I talk to someone who is like me. Someone who hates or would hate (if they were there) the situation the same as I would.
It wasn’t fun, I’m pretty sure a lot of the people there are bored of me or at least unsure of me (I know one girl there hates me, not that I care because she is a purposefully negative kind of person). Though I think I am proud of myself for doing it. There is another residential later in the year but I might come up with an excuse for that one.
The people weren’t generally nasty or awful to be around but I liked being in my room with my phone talking to people I had something in common with. Admittedly, I may not have given a lot of them the chance but I was happy with the decisions I made this weekend when it came to who I socialised with.
I recently had a blood test for lithium and my serum level is not at the therapeutic dose yet. It has however began to affect my thyroid or at least the levels are heading that way. I am borderline hypothyroidism, I think if the dose is upped again which it must because it’s not at a therapeutic dose yet. The paper I got suggested “thyroxine replacement” but who knows? I need to have an appointment with a doctor and I was supposed to see my psychiatric nurse yesterday (Tuesday) but she’s ill so I probably won’t see her until Thursday.
This week is half term so all groups are off, no getting up early to talk my brother to school. It is nice to chill for a bit especially after last weekend.
My mood has been on the lower side and I’ve been suicidal at times but I think I’ve been kinda out it mentally so not really registering my mood. Who knows?