- ADHD – inattentive type.
- Possible detachment disorder
- —- these added to my other diagnosis; not replacing any.
So what happened?
My dad leaves me in the waiting room to pick my brother up so I sit down and put the forms on the window sill behind me. I start playing animal crossing new leaf, then somebody I recognise comes in and I was like woooaaah andit was a bit anxiety provoking because it was a guy and I was alone with him but I knew who he was to look at so I was a little less worried; I was like 3% less worried.
Anyway, so I get called in and this guy has a bit of a hard to understand accent and I don’t mean anything against it but some of the sounds he made for words didn’t compute too well in my ears. It’s like when Americans use different words, I know what you mean but it’s just hard to catch. Anyhoo, so he starts with what he read in my file; bipolar and then he starts on about trauma. What happened to hey, how you doing? What have you been up to? What school do you go to? No just so what happened when you were sexually assaulted who by, was he in prison? Making me feel like shit for not reporting him. Explain to a 10 year old the pros in telling someone because I guarantee a 10 year old will look after themselves unless they have an active way to prevent it happening to someone else. He actually asked me to describe the trauma like what it was and he then looked like he was about to have a nervous beak down he sat forward with his head in his hands and I was sitting here like wtf do I even do here and I was going to ask if he was okay but I was sucking on a lolly and I was pretty sure I looked bad ass and I didn’t want to ruin it by caring.
So he composed himself and then states I have not got PTSD (I should just say here he is actually a bipolar specialist and the people who diagnosed me are expects in psychosis especially relating to PTSD and trauma) he diagnosed that from ONE 5 MINUTE (AT THIS POINT) CONVO. Then we talk about my mother and my relationship with others all the while he’s changing from a leaning backwards “im too cool to care” pose to “omg I can’t deal with this job anymore” pose. He then states I have a detachment disorder. Like as a formal diagnosis and I totally disagree. Aside from my dad and my brother I say I have formed meaningful(at least to me) relationships with at least 5 people so how can I have a detachment disorder? But yeah, I suppose that was reasonably his job to assess but how he diagnosed me in those short minutes is beyond me.
He then starts on about school and he says the usual thing of “you’re too intelligent to waste it not doing anything” which since is saying I as a person is intelligent is fine but then he said (and it’s the ones thing we all hate) “research says that bipolar people are more intelligent” and later he said “bipolar people are more creative” and I’m like ??? That’s just going to make the people with bipolar who aren’t creative or too intelligent feel bad. Then he tries to use that fact to make me go back to school. Yeah, thanks bipolar. You ruined my life but you gave me intelligence. Seriously psychiatrist fuck off.
He then asks me if I understand the difference between bipolar 1 and 2 and I did actually but I thought if I talked for a long period of time I would be laughing at how much he looks like he wants to look cool with the poses. So he told me and explained that my bipolar 2 could turn into bipolar 1 but if I’m lucky starting treatment early will lessen the progression but since I’m showing signs of bipolar 1, by the time I’m 25 I might actually be bipolar 1. He then tells me how he treats lawyers and university lectures and phd people with bipolar and they all do well but then he finishes that off with a story about his bipolar coworker who resigned due to a manic episode, so I don’t really know the point of that story. It started off as an inspirational tale but then ended up with “but you could still fall off the deep end and ruin your career”.
Anyway he later starts talking about how I can go to group therapy for the sexual assault and I’m like no??? I didn’t even want to talk about it with you why would I want to talk about it with non-professionals who I don’t know. I then said I would go to group therapy for bipolar (since that’s less personal in the sense of it’s not too much of a sensitive topic for me) and he said “you wouldn’t want to go to bipolar group therapy because it’s just a bunch of crying women with problems that you’re too young to deal with” – um? bipolar pretty much has a set wheel house and I’m not going to mention drug abuse with you which consider I’m actually at an age where it’s legal to have sex, I assume you’re talking about drugs. He actually managed to make himself laugh during this conversation about sexual assault.
By this point I realise the conversation is all over the place and he asks me about school again and I talk about how once I start getting the hang of a challenge and it stops being a challenge I get bored and stop and then he starts on with all young people tend to stop when they get bored and stop with things they don’t like and in his day is parents told him that “if you don’t like something you have to work twice as hard at it” actually it’s not like that at all, it’s more what’s the point of dragging her to somewhere she doesn’t want to be when she’s getting nothing out of it? (she being me). Anyway he asks if I was ever diagnosed with ADHD and I said I wasn’t and then he tells me about ADHD inattentive type and says he wants to send me for some tests. It kind of makes sense when I read the criteria later. But basically what this means for my psychometric test is that my non-verbal reasoning skills are bad because I essentially get bored with what I’m thinking.
He then says he wants to talk to my dad. So i should go down stairs and wait for him to come back from picking my brother up and bring him upstairs but before that he’s upping the prescription to 200mg and wants me to pay for some imoodjournal app and I know the app is £1 (I later found out it’s £1.49 but it seems a pretty good app, if you are interested in keeping track of your moods this is the way to go)but still, you want me to make your life easier, you pay for it. He then says hopefully this will stop you being so “mad” not mad as in angry, mad as in crazy. I’m like , did you actually pass your exams? How are you a psychiatrist?
He then asks me to sign some forms saying he can send letters to me and others and I say that I signed that form and remembered I left it on the window sill (about an hourr had gone by and they’d be left there).
I should mention here I asked him not to mention my mum or the sexual abuse; my dad knows but I don’t want him reminded.
We both went downstairs I gave him the form, started playing animal crossing but realising my battery was going, I started taking selfies instead which I will upload later.
I waited. Dad came.
Went upstairs and he explained about ADHD and mentioned detachment disorder and had to bring my mum up as well after I asked him not to and mentioned the sexual assault as well. So I’m glad I’m only seeing him once.
- being sent for ADHD tests which if they say I have got ADHD inattentive type I might be able to gain back some concentration and do better at whatever I decide to do.
- Trying to surpress laughter at his poses.
- Lamotrigine upped to 200mg
- Everything else that came out of that sexist, ableist, untrustworthy scum’s mouth.