So If I had to fall on a side. Bipolar 1 or Bipolar 2. As to which I have, I’d say it was bipolar 2. Awful depressed episodes, reasonably brilliant/awful hypomanic episodes. Though I’ve been told I’ve had a manic episode before and I dno, I think I’ve heard one qualifies you to be bipolar I. I mean I honestly can’t tell. Hey give me a break. I can barely remember what day of the week it is.
As for this current hypomanic episode, it is entering it’s 4th week and whilst I usually (and still do) enjoy the 1 and a half to 2 weeks of elation, I am not enjoying the extra 2 weeks of irritability, anger, sexual frustration and ‘psychomotor’ agitation that has me ranging between killing myself and killing everyone around me which is literally the opposite of what you’d expect me to feel. Maybe it is a mixed episode. Maybe it’s not. All I know is thank GOD for paint and painting and crafts and the fact this stuff is reasonably cheap to get your hands on because it is the only constant I have found to relax me. On the other end of the scales entitled: “Things that make me want to wring my hands off” is exams, school and basically anything relating to that. But painting, painting is my saving grace.
I should do a picture depicting saving grace…
I’ll never be able to do it seriously.
So tomorrow is my last exam and it is a catch up since I missed one due to the whole falling over ordeal. It’s at 9am and I just have to get through that exam and then it’s time to seriously discuss the drowsiness and the agitation because I’m at my wits end. I mean is it possible for someone to be drowsy and agitated? Is that possible? Seriously? It must be because that’s how I feel a lot of the time. But considering how drowsy I am, I am seriously not getting good enough sleep; quality or quantity.
At least I got out a few times whilst in this mood, I’m ready for the depression. Bring on the slowness of depression. Bring on the pain which I understand. Bring on the mood that I understand inside and out. Please. This mood has too many question marks, too many questions, too many loose ends.
Does anyone have any advice? Anything to battle this?