I’m currently on school break, we have a week. The area of England I live goes on break a week before the rest of England and I think it’s because we go back a week earlier after the summer holidays. I don’t really know but that’s how it is.
I had my first driving lesson yesterday and I drove around and I didn’t stall once which I’ve heard is a common mistake among new drivers. One of my problems is I get all stressed out whilst driving and grab the wheel for dear life and I need to loosen my grip. But I think I’m doing okay. I’ve stopped the medication (a week earlier than advised missing the 500mg stage) which I know is ill advised but 500mg doesn’t do anything for me anyway, just is easier. I’ve been feeling a little dizzy today but I think that might be something else. I’ve been rapid cycling for a few days, going through periods of depression and mania which have been hard to go through but they’re not going too high or too low.
I was on tumblr today when I got a random message from a girl who had been either in the same psychiatric hospital or the same branch (I think there are more than one with the same name) and it was really out of the blue and it was actually such a shock. I haven’t really talked about my time in the psychiatric hospital since I got out, it had quite a profound effect on me frequenting in several nightmares for the months following my release so getting that message (despite the fact we were never in together) bought back my old feelings which mainly comprise of guilt as I got out but they were still stuck in there and none of them wanted to be there and a lot of them were feeling worse. I don’t know, there is a lot of feelings I still haven’t processed and probably never will. I like keeping my demons bottled up, you know?
I should also be starting the work that’ll make me into a case study next week. Miss D is going to be filmed whilst doing it, so my voice is at least going to be included in it. But I don’t really care, I think it might be fun to see if I can find it on the internet.