The I-Was-Supposed-To-Be-Aggressive Appointment

I was supposed to be aggressive in my approach about the form but they said the one thing that was confidence rocking. The traumatic event. So I began to dissociate and flashback and just became very distant. Basically what it boils down to is due to the diagnosis of PTSD, the psychiatrist is no longer willing to treat the mood swings for at least a few months of EMDR  as they COULD be related but I know for a fact they aren’t. High episodes, high episodes like I’ve have, have never been a part of PTSD and it’s the same problem that he either doesn’t know or can’t admit that I have a mood disorder that IS a chemical imbalance. I don’t know why and because he  has more expertise the bp and psychosis specialist listens to him. He gave me so antidepressants called fluoxetine 20mg and well, the last time I was on them it made my mood rapid cycle even more but it was antidepressants or no medication and I’m pretty much willing to give anything a try just so I can get through these exams. I’m pretty much willing to get high just to get through them, I don’t want to watch myself… wait, is fluxoetine prozac? I was just googling and found it has another name called prozac. Ugh, apparently there is a good chance prozac will cause manic episodes and my first exam is next Friday. Well, at least I won’t feel like killing myself so there’s that upside and sometimes hypomania is good for revision as it gives intense concentration and zoning in. So looking on the up side there’s that. But I’m just feeling really run down with it all at the moment so I might just spend the night watching DVDs.

But in terms of the letter, I just wrote “Dr [pdocman] – everything wrong in your report” and told my dad to give it to the receptionist or whatever the hell you’re supposed to call them nowadays. Well, probably going to hear nothing from that but I gave it in. I wasn’t aggressive. I was just sort of in a depressed haze.

I’m supposed to google ‘mindfullness‘ but I’m confused because I thought I wasn’t supposed to google stuff because I’d probably just diagnose myself with every disorder but according to wikipedia:

Mindfulness is a spiritual or psychological faculty (indriya) that, according to the teaching of the Buddha, is considered to be of great importance in the path to enlightenment . It is one of the seven factors of enlightenment. “Correct” or “right” mindfulnessis the seventh element of the noble eightfold path. Mindfulness meditation can also be traced back to the earlier Upanishads, part of Hindu scriptual”

Mindfulness practice, inherited from the Buddhist tradition, is being employed in psychology to alleviate a variety of mental and physical conditions, including obsessive-compulsive disorder, anxiety, and in the prevention of relapse in depression and drug addiction

From what I gather it’s a load of buddhist, mediating crap. Don’t get me wrong, mediating is so benifical to some people but I don’t think I could do it. I’ve tried it before and got bored and my mind would wander and boom, even more depressed so I’d get pissed off. I dno, it’s not something I find to be helpful but I’m glad it helps the people it does.

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