*I apologise in advance for spelling and grammar errors*
Meet a new running feature. So yes, appointment one and boy was it a one. I will explain. I told her about the sexual assualt incident, a little about my mum, the panic attacks, the depression and well I basically got diagnosed PTSD. Even though she is a BP and psychosis specialist she’s going to try EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitatison and Reprocessing) which from what I read on the sheet she gave me and what she said is basically something where they like move things in front of your eyes, make you think of the most horrid incident and that can usually trigger other things and it’s like reprogramming your eyes which reprograms your left side of the brain and the right side of the brain and well, apparently it will be very emotional and very draining.
I promise I’ll try but it’s such against everything ingrained in me, usually I avoid my problems so to face such terrible ones head on is going to be so difficult. I mean just talking about it now has made me so tired, emotionally and physically. I have tension in my shoulders and was taught that I should go to my happy place. I said my room but I don’t really feel relaxed anywhere. But I suppose my room is the safest place.
But I told her and if I get the PTSD out the way, bipolar should be easier. But I’m tired now, so if I remember anymore I’ll just call it “what i remembered from app#1” – I am going to sleep a little.
Welcome... 
Tis true Munchkin, it will be emotionally draining, this is the way though to release what your mind is, I think, still hiding a bit from you. Hopefully this can cure your insomnia and… likely your panic attacks may decrease. It will not happen quickly though. Actually some things may become a bit worse for a while as the memories are awakened. It is the road to recovery though. You can do it.
Did that last little bit build you up? the you can do it? psssst, I know you can!
It is draining, I mean I haven’t even started. Just talking about it made me so tired. My mind is a cunning little mastermind (pun unintended) so I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s not telling me everything. Like why crowds? I had to think why I have panic attacks and being alone with men I don’t know is one – obvious reason. But crowds, I don’t know. So there’s that hidden thing. Probably more. I call it cunning but it’s a protective mechanism, I think. So I get it. Just memories being awakened that aren’t good scares me a little. I think, what’ll happen is we’ll touch a little and apparently it’s effective after the first session so I could sleep and because I’d sleep more my coping mechanism for this will be a little stronger so I can handle going deeper. Probably only work when depressed though, I feel. When mania comes along I wouldn’t take it seriously and fidget and just not be able to concentrate so I’d have to make an appointment for after mania. But I’m seeing the BP and psych specialist Tuesday with the Mr pdoc (stealing that name btw) but I think the emdr won’t start till near the end of the exams or maybe just before. It’s difficult because I don’t want to go through such an emotionally hard thing as EMDR when I have exams to do. Why is other life always in the way?
well.. as with the comment below, hopefully you will be stabilized soon. Then therapy will have more of a chance.
Most with anxiety will be bothered with crowds.
Good point, I just got the impression she thought there was something a little more deeper was going on but maybe it’s just anxiety being a little interfering child – I apologise for the spelling, I’m tired.
spelling is fine if the right message is conveyed.
pssst, go to sleep. 🙂
I just find spelling important 😛
I did, thank you 🙂
Btw, what is the effect on bipolar with EMDR? Do you know anything about that? Like will the depression become shorter or lessen? Will the mania get worse? Or is it just a case of different case for different people?
you may find it can help with your depression. But yes, different for everyone. When you get on the right medications, depression should vanish.
Okay, that’s good then. Hopefully it just makes everything easier to treat.
I’ve written a few about EMDR… http://bipolaronfire.com/2013/04/16/emdr-is-it-hocus-pocus/ and http://bipolaronfire.com/2013/04/22/ok-i-think-emdr-is-real/ so this is timely. Yes dear we will be getting the same therapy PSYCH!!! It is just like a shortcut straight into the heart of your issues. Honey don’t worry, the only way out is through and you CAN walk through this shit!! I will walk with you.
I saw:) I was going to talk to you about it. I read the blog and though woop! doing the same therapy as bipolar on fire! WOOP!
Thank you I appreciate the help and we’ll do it.
Woowoo!!! We will be learning and growing together, in harmony with each other and the universe, becoming fabulous individuals and rising above. Wasn’t that beautiful?
That was very poetic, it bought a tear to my eye :’)
oh darling I am so glad to have had a beautiful moment…now must go take a poo…
Way to ruin it;)
hahahahahaha what’s one little excretion among friends???
As long as it’s in the appropriate place, nothing 😉
Well I didn’t do it in my bed, if that’s what you mean 🙂
That is good xD