The bipolar and psychosis specialist app#1

*I apologise in advance for spelling and grammar errors*

Meet a new running feature. So yes, appointment one and boy was it a one. I will explain. I told her about the sexual assualt incident, a little about my mum, the panic attacks, the depression and well I basically got diagnosed PTSD. Even though she is a BP and psychosis specialist she’s going to try EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitatison and Reprocessing) which from what I read on the sheet she gave me and what she said is basically something where they like move things in front of your eyes, make you think of the most horrid incident and that can usually trigger other things and it’s like reprogramming your eyes which reprograms your left side of the brain and the right side of the brain and well, apparently it will be very emotional and very draining.

I promise I’ll try but it’s such against everything ingrained in me, usually I avoid my problems so to face such terrible ones head on is going to be so difficult. I mean just talking about it now has made me so tired, emotionally and physically. I have tension in my shoulders and was taught that I should go to my happy place. I said my room but I don’t really feel relaxed anywhere. But I suppose my room is the safest place.

But I told her and if I get the PTSD out the way, bipolar should be easier. But I’m tired now, so if I remember anymore I’ll just call it “what i remembered from app#1” – I am going to sleep a little.

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19 thoughts on “The bipolar and psychosis specialist app#1

  1. Tis true Munchkin, it will be emotionally draining, this is the way though to release what your mind is, I think, still hiding a bit from you. Hopefully this can cure your insomnia and… likely your panic attacks may decrease. It will not happen quickly though. Actually some things may become a bit worse for a while as the memories are awakened. It is the road to recovery though. You can do it.

    Did that last little bit build you up? the you can do it? psssst, I know you can!

    • It is draining, I mean I haven’t even started. Just talking about it made me so tired. My mind is a cunning little mastermind (pun unintended) so I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s not telling me everything. Like why crowds? I had to think why I have panic attacks and being alone with men I don’t know is one – obvious reason. But crowds, I don’t know. So there’s that hidden thing. Probably more. I call it cunning but it’s a protective mechanism, I think. So I get it. Just memories being awakened that aren’t good scares me a little. I think, what’ll happen is we’ll touch a little and apparently it’s effective after the first session so I could sleep and because I’d sleep more my coping mechanism for this will be a little stronger so I can handle going deeper. Probably only work when depressed though, I feel. When mania comes along I wouldn’t take it seriously and fidget and just not be able to concentrate so I’d have to make an appointment for after mania. But I’m seeing the BP and psych specialist Tuesday with the Mr pdoc (stealing that name btw) but I think the emdr won’t start till near the end of the exams or maybe just before. It’s difficult because I don’t want to go through such an emotionally hard thing as EMDR when I have exams to do. Why is other life always in the way?

    • Btw, what is the effect on bipolar with EMDR? Do you know anything about that? Like will the depression become shorter or lessen? Will the mania get worse? Or is it just a case of different case for different people?

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