Okay, so I realise that there are a lot of addictions in my family.
Me: shoplifting, shopping sprees – addictive behaviour.
Dad: Alcohol.
Mother: Alcohol.
Brother I dislike: Weed.
AB: Gambling
ALB: Video games
TB: Weed (though it is medicinal more than anything).
My dad’s wife before my mother: Alcohol.

So! Does addictions run in the water or do addicts attract other addicts and breed addicts? I mean this isn’t one of my sciency blogs. I’m just asking to air.

I also found my creative mania outlet. Hama beads, even created a book with lots of my ideas in. I mean they are a lot more relaxing plus I had the revelation that it also helps the organising urge because I’m organising little beads into rows.

Yesterday, I could have died. I mean that melodramtically. My dad was burning things. I like fire. In a pyromanic sort of way but then again, manic is in the title. Anyway, he put a rug on there and underestimated how flammable it was. It began to burn the post next to it so since it’s a shared post, he kicked the bin on the floor and it began to roll towards the gas. I should also mention that I was commando – I was about to have a shower and just put on trousers when I smelt smoke. My dad got three buckets of water and put out the post. THE POST WAS OUT ON THE FIRST BUCKET I shout. GET THE FIRE THAT IS COMING NEAR THE GAS… *dad pours another bucket on the post* um.. daddy. can u not.

Usually I stay off facebook but I made a status about wanting a blackberry since that was my obsession for a while and my sister offered me hers but whilst the excitement lasted a long time when I finally talked to my dad about it, we realised that since she had to order herself a new one the chances of me ever getting the blackberry is the same as pigs flying and North Korea being stupid enough to fire a bomb.

tumblr_ml15w6DKD11rvzfx8o1_250I’m just glad we got our priorties right.
Medication I hear you ask?

Well, I’m still taking it. Like I said I would. But rigid muscles and depersonalization are still going strong and my top two worst side effects and I said that if the rigid muscles get worse when we up the dose on Wednesday then I am stopping. I know – idiot, right – but I see it that if I was a docile creature, who lazied about watching Jeremy Kyle and movies all day then stopping is irresponsible but if I continue going to school and living a fairly active lifestyle then something has to give. I’d use it as an excuse to miss school but no one is buying it.

As for mood, well…

I was manic and now I’m sort of alternating between mixed episode, hypomania and mania. I still have my obsessions but sometimes I feel guilty and suicidal.


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