Today’s title is a lyric from Marina and The Diamonds because I’ve recently been listening a lot to their songs. Also I felt it was appropriate for this fact: I’m depressed. Yes, usually this wouldn’t be a celebatory moment but I’ve fallen on a side which means I am more aware of my cycle and I can feel a little better about prediction. I don’t like depression because flashbacks start back up again in the daytime as well as the night time. Which I am going to write a blog about in the near future so keep your eyes peeled.
But depression is Hell like my title suggests and well I wish you well from it because I do indeed love you all.
So what’s new?
I finished reading Progress and loved it so I suggest you go to the link and find the link to the book so you can read it. Though I’m not sure if the lovely author has made changes yet, so hold off until any changes are made.
I spoke to my dad today after he found out I’d tried Shisha. Which for those of you who don’t know is basically something that mimics smoking but doesn’t contain the harmful chemicals associated with tobacco cigarettes and also shisha has different flavours. I quite like it to be honest. My dad wasn’t too upset after I explained it. I’m still not sure how he found out… Like if he smelt it on my clothes, the flavour was blueberry. That’s not a tell tale sign.
This isn’t new but I feel it needs to be said. My fucking finger is still hurting. Like I slept an hour (last night, early morning today), woke up and it was hurting and so my dad said I probably had something in it but I couldn’t see anything so I tried to bleed it out. I mean I self harm, why not do something useful? Anyway, nothing happened except it bleed a lot and still hurts. Though I think if there is something in my finger than it’s moved off my nerves so it doesn’t hurt so much anymore. But now it’s just annoying.
In friend related news, JLS broke up with RH and so I had to comfort them both but RH told me some private stuff and how he felt suicidal and I talked to him and he felt better. But I hate this because he didn’t do something you can hate him for. You know? Like he didn’t cheat on her or beat her. He just wasn’t right for her in her eyes and that’s not his fault. But I made friends with him and she’s my friend so I don’t know. Do I stop being his friend? Or does it even matter because nothing bad happens. See, this is why I like to avoid social situations. Too much grey area and anxiety.
It keeps snowing on and off but the snow doesn’t settle plus it keeps getting really sunny.
I have double history without the lunch in between, first time ever. I will moan. Poor AY, she has to listen to it.
I was trying to clean up my desktop and found a part of a story I wrote whilst manic. I think I want to continue it. Maybe finish it. Just finish one of them without losing interest in it. Maybe I should just do it in each manic period but I might not have the right mind set.
I’m still fighting depression now and I hate it. I’m so tired from it. I just want to sleep for an entire day. I feel like that might make things better.