Side effects: Not really a new one but realised moods are cycling throughout the day.
Treatment: Vodka… No, okay but seriously I don’t know what the treatment is.
I baked until 9am (6 hours of baking) and after plates of food that I’d baked, I ran out of ingredients and energy. Mania began to leave and I begun to get tired as if somebody had just but me in a warm bed, with pillows and everything was comfortable. Which I didn’t understand. Mania usually gives me the energy to stay awake for two days before things begin to shut down and my mind just begins to fall asleep. But I got tired and fell asleep at 9:30am, no school for me. I woke up at midday feeling depressed and that’s when I realised that zoloft makes me cycle daily. I rang my psychiatrist and he was with a patient. I didn’t expect to get through then and there. I’m not impatient either so I waited. We tried again a few hours later and still busy. But he never called back. He’s done this before and it is so irritating. But then maybe the receptionist didn’t give him the message so maybe it’s not his fault. But still, I think the place is poorly run.
So I’m having another day off school tomorrow and am going to try to sort it out. We’re going to call CAMHS again and see if I can get like 10 minutes of his time. But it drives me mad because I don’t know what to do about taking tablets. Do I take it tomorrow or not? He said stop if there were problems. But is this supposed to happen? I am so confused. Plus I have a headache. Which is just insult to injury. So my day was going terribly.
But two things brightened my day. One, my dad went to the doctors and both his leg and eye will heal in time which is awful in the wait and see approach but at least he’s okay. Secondly, the news that in Mississippi a baby was cured of HIV (News Article) which whilst a lot of people are assuming fake, it is the most legitimate account yet and it’s most likely true. Which is just one of the best things you can hear when you’re feeling like killing yourself or someone.
I feel bad for my family nowadays. Like I look at my brother and he’s ill and yet I’m still getting the attention and then my dad doesn’t understand what is going on with me and he feels bad that I have to suffer all of this but the worst thing is today, we were talking and he was under the impression bipolar gets better after a while on medication and I had to be the bearer of bad news that bipolar can last years. I love my dad but jeez, I’d wish he’d just read something on the internet about bipolar even if it’s just as simple as the NHS website symptom list. Just something because his ignorance on the matter makes me want to kill him sometimes. I know we all have our ways for dealing with stuff but ignorance is not the way on this subject. He argues with me a lot saying he doesn’t know anything but he also doesn’t want to hear it either. I’m not asking him to know what chemicals are doing what during each episode but just a little bit of knowledge.
But my main plan tomorrow is to call my psychiatrist again. Get him to get off his ass and do something to help me.