Uncontrollable. Depression symptoms of bipolar.

The one thing I will never get used to with bipolar disorder is the little control over emotions I have. It’s so unpredictable and uncontrollable and I think that’s one of the things that drives me mad. Like today and last night. I wasn’t doing anything particularly sad and I just began to get tearful and then an hour or so later I was just crying and I couldn’t figure out why. I still don’t know. It was on and off. I was crying when dad got up, after he asked what was wrong and I told him to leave me alone. I then at 7am got up to print off the homework I was going to do in the car but the internet wasn’t working and after 4 failed attempts trying to get it work, I yelled whilst walking past my dad: “That’s it. I am 700% done with today and it hasn’t even started yet” and jumped back into bed.

I made up with my dad because instead of yelling at me to go to school, he asked if I was going and through these unexplained, uncontrollable tears I said I wasn’t. I then couldn’t figure out whether this was more depression or mixed episode. I only really noticed when anger creeps in that I’m in a mixed episode but I’ve never had uncontrollable crying before that wasn’t explained. So obviously, googled it. Turns out it is just an extension of depression. But I found a pretty conclusive list of depression symptoms:

Depression is considered one of the primary symptoms of bipolar disorder. However, it is actually a set of symptoms characteristic of one aspect of bipolar disorder. An episode of depression, as it relates to bipolar disorder, is the downswing in a mood cycle. An episode of depression is debilitating, often leaving the sufferer completely dysfunctional. It is an extreme emotional state that impairs daily living. There are a number of warning signs — red flags –- that you or someone you love may be experiencing depression. These symptoms of depression are organized into broad categories for easier reference. It is important to note that depression is experienced differently from one person to the next so not all symptoms will present for all individuals.

Changes in Activity or Energy Level

  • Decreased energy
  • Fatigue
  • Lethargy
  • Diminished activity
  • Insomnia or hypersomnia
  • Loss of interest in pleasurable activities
  • Social withdrawal

Physical Changes Caused by Depression

  • Unexplained aches and pains
  • Weight loss or gain
  • Decreased or increased appetite
  • Psychomotor agitation or retardation

Emotional Pain of Depression

  • Prolonged sadness
  • Unexplained, uncontrollable crying
  • Feelings of guilt
  • Feelings of worthlessness
  • Loss of self-esteem
  • Despair
  • Hopelessness
  • Helplessness

Difficult Moods Associated with Depression

  • Irritability
  • Anger
  • Worry/anxiety
  • Pessimism
  • Indifference
  • Self-critical

Changes in Thought Patterns due to Depression

  • Inability to concentrate
  • Indecision
  • Memory problems
  • Disorganized

Preoccupation with Death

  • Thoughts of death
  • Suicidal ideation
  • Feeling dead or detached

After, I slept a little and woke up with infected gums. The infection in my gums always comes and goes. Rather annoying.

I just get so frustrated over the little control. I don’t mind losing control when I know the trigger. But there was no trigger to this crying. I don’t even get how it happens.

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14 thoughts on “Uncontrollable. Depression symptoms of bipolar.

  1. Munchkin, uncontrolled tears is depression. deep depression, no triggers required or idea as to why you will not be able to stop or why you started.

    Interesting I am in the midst of a large post on depression again. With a lot of divergence too it seems.

    kk, so something knew, a question, do you know if you were a preemie?

    now, how are you now? what number do you think?

    *hugs tight*

    • Deep depression? That sounds bad. I knew things were getting worse, I just don’t like the crying thing because it doesn’t stop and makes me seem like I’ve gone back to three years old again.

      You are? That is really ironic. But I can’t wait for it.

      Yes I was, I was 10 days early. Not a big difference compared to some but I obviously had to stay in hospital for a few extra days. It’s really ironic because my brother was 10 days late.

      Stopped crying, have a migraine (and gum ache which means I’ll probably need to go dentist and get another dose of amoxcillin which I hate because it upsets my tummy) and still depressed. Probably a 4 I’d say.

      How are you?

      • oh it is my week off, so I am great. πŸ˜› *giggles*

        no one likes to be stuck uncontrollably in tears Munchkin, but maybe it helps to know why. Deep depression, well your 4 is pretty deep is it not?

        take the amoxcillin with food or milk.

        • Haha, I had my week last week. I think the rest of England have it this week too. Just the city I go to school in has it different. Some weird reason; can’t remember.

          Yes it does help to know why. Really it does. Yes 4 is pretty deep. 5 is worst. 0 is normal. But I haven’t been 0 in a long time. What’s the difference chemicalwise between ‘moderate’ depression and deep depression? I just thought I’d ask.

          Will do πŸ™‚ Have to go dentist first though and thats never fun. Although out of all medical professionals and just people in general, dentists are the only ones whose touch doesn’t freak me out or make my skin crawl. Which is weird because they’re looking in my mouth which is arguably a private place and that’s okay but someone even brushes my hand and I freak out. Which is weird…

          • hmmm, good question Munchkin. πŸ™‚ so depression can be chemically caused by an over abundance of some neurotransmitters, are there are more for a deeper stage of depression or what causes the swings?.. that is the million dollar/pound question. Studies are all over the place, some seem to think it is not chemical, leaning more toward brain circuitry Other things interact as well, magnesium as an example. Triggers will often cause the swings, some can identify those and this helps, many though can’t.

            So what deepens it? A lot is that it feeds on its self Munchkin, once you are depressed and not doing things, everything is glum, depression tells you to do nothing. so it grows, deepens. Chemicals may fuel it too. So when depressed you stop watching “cheery” shows, doing things that make you smile, this too deepens it. Maybe too, the brain is slower on the chemical release, from mania to depression reversal and the receptors are not telling the brain to adjust the chemicals as they are damaged.

              • That is the hope Munchkin. Diet and lifestyle have a big impact too. Diet can be huge. I will touch on that soon. It is interesting that Japan has the lowest ratio of people with Bipolar, and in with a considerable difference.

                    • Well I don’t know enough to comment. it is very interesting though.

                      Honestly? I didn’t really like it. The overall premise of the film was good but the execution was poor. The actors were good don’t get me wrong, more the script writers. They over exagerated bipolar disorder in some parts and they made it look like it was this epic thing which it’s not mostly. The girl he ends up with is also mentally ill (which I also sort of resent two mentally ill people ending up together but it was sort of sweet so I let them off) but with just depression but they made her seem like a whore and a manipulative person. Depression doesn’t make a person like that. If she had more wrong with her they should have said so it doesn’t add to the misconception. There was some alright portrayals of the stigma against mentally ill. The whole thing was quite predictable (SPOILER So the story is Pat went to a mental hospital because he beat the guy his wife was cheating on him with to an inch of his life. He’s diagnosed bipolar and in the movie it states he becomes delusional when stressed. But he has this delusion he can get back with his wife who has a restraining order on him which doesn’t make sense because he’s not stressed. He goes to his friends house and his friends wife sister is there and she is the girl with depression. They get along in a weird way and she says she can give Pat’s wife a letter even though it’s breaking the law and in return he has to dance with her for a dance competion. So he writes the letter, the girl takes it and instead of giving it to his wife she reads it and writes a reply back and it is so obvious that she wrote it because it’s typed and her jitteryness and this was supposed to be some major plot twist). I give it like 2 and a half stars; close to 3. The storyline was executed poorly but the ending everyone ended up happy so least that’s something.

                    • lol, well it was a good review. Happy endings are always good, I don’t like books/tv shows and movies that have sad ones. We watch or read for some relaxation and fun. Sad is easy to find. I expect the writers really didn’t understand bipolar?

                      well time for me to have a nap, whilst you start your day. Hope it goes well today munchkin. smile three times, no wait four. nods and grins.

                      eeeps freezing rain.

                      *hugs* nite. πŸ™‚

  2. Reads …. was not able to get to this until tonight. I know I don’t have the answer to this … and likely what I will say will be of little comfort if you are looking for an answer to, “Why am I crying?” But perhaps it is some help to know that it happens to others … and that in time, it can lessen and even stop.

    I used to cry for apparently no reason Munchkin. Well … sometime there were triggers. But often, the triggers came on for no reason. A thought. A smell. But many times there was nothing to me that seemed to bring it on. And sometimes it was so bad it was debilitating. You cry and curl into a ball on the floor. You think to yourself, “Why am I crying? Why can I not stop? There is no reason for me to be crying and yet I am sad and cannot stop this.” Your head tells you one thing. Your brain does not listen.

    But … the good news. When you start to get better (and I AM going to believe you will get better) … when you start to get better, the incidents not only slow … but the length seems to shorten too. (Ok…perhaps not a Woooo hoooo, let’s throw a party good…but its something yes?)

    I do hope you are feeling a little better today.

    *gives you a hug…just because*

    • Don’t worry about it, I’m just glad you do read it. I know the crying is just depression but it drove me crazy. It is nice to know there are others who have experienced the same thing but then I think of how bad I feel when it happens and feel bad for people because the experience it too.

      That is exactly what it’s like. I hated it because it’s not like depressive thoughts which you keep inside your head and internalise. It’s something outward that you can’t stop.
      I believe I will too (but thank you for believing it also) and I’m sure you are right but I will put off the party throwing until I get my first set of meds :p

      Well I’m not crying anymore so yes arguably better.

      *hugs*

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