The subject where you see the most stereotypical student behaviour is maths. Usually everyone is working to the best of their ability. In any lesson, they work. But the students care less about maths than the teacher. In the left hand corner we have a girl who seldom gets her maths book or sheets out and spends all her time tweeting (on twitter not literally tweeting). Her two friends sit behind her and they do just enough amount of work to be ignored. Behind them are two other girls and behind those two other girls and those four are always steadily working. Onto the next column and there are two boys at the back, they don’t really work to my knowledge, they more just sit there and pretend and ask the odd question. In front of them is another boy, who was moved for talking and he spends most of his time talking to them. In front of them is JLS and I, neither of us are working and if it’s a particular type of day she will be on her phone reading and I will be doodling on my work. In front of us are two boys who eagerly work. On the next row, at the front is a boy and a girl. The boy will spend all his time pretending to work and text his girlfriend keeping his phone under his desk whilst the girl will talk to the girls behind her and if she’s told off for talking say JLS and I are talking more (which today we actually weren’t). Then the two behind her, one of the girls is hardly ever there and the other works because if she doesn’t it’ll seem hypocritical after her mother complained the teacher is bad (which he is). Behind them is another lone boy who was moved for talking and behind him his old seat and his friend, he still talks to his friend. On the next row, an empty desk, two girls and a two boys on the row of boys. They all work together. They all work. The class is equally divided by the people who don’t work and the people who do. So what was the point of this?To show you life from my perspective? Perhaps.
It was more to show that school is school no matter where you go and to remind myself of that fact. There will always be people who follow by example.
I think my true feelings for JLS have finally clicked, I wasn’t bothered that she was skipping (or as we call it skyving) sociology because she hadn’t done her essay (even though I reminded her, like a good friend last night). Her skipping class actually turned out to be a useless thing because our teacher wasn’t here and whilst they took in the essays, they didn’t check who did it and we hardly did any work.
I sort of ignored her when she came in at break and I knew I was doing it. I was telling SK what happened Sunday and Monday and showed her the text I sent JLS. She agreed it was bad. SK, agreed what JLS did was bad. SK felt bad for me. But I know a look that crossed across her face. Astonishment and disbelief that this had actually happened. She wasn’t calling me a liar or even for a second thinking I was lying. But she I think just finds it hard to belief the messes I get into. She has a fair point. I manage to get myself into all sorts of trouble effortlessly. Maybe that’s why JLS didn’t want to hear about it, she was probably sick of it. But does that excuse her from ignoring my crisis at the time? If it hadn’t of played out so well, I could have ended up in such big trouble and my whole life would be turned on his head. My life is essentially a house of cards. It’s important to maintain balance and same conditions. The police did go down to my postal address but it being a postal address we don’t live there, they even searched through the person who ran the place’s stuff. She didn’t throw us off from the postal address but she would have been in her right to do so. If she had, we would have had to tell the school. Jeopradising my brother getting into my college (I think you may now understand the postal address). Meaning I’d have to move college. But it also made my dad worry because if they lied about that, what if they lied about ringing my mother? I would have thought she would have come in to my school; but she didn’t. So I hope she doesn’t know. But it’s just more stress for me. But luckily none of that happened.
But that brings me onto the title… what is a friend? In your eyes? What is a foe?
I consider a friend someone who is there to the best of their ability. They may not know what to say to every problem. They may not be the funniest. The bravest. But they are there when you need them. That for me is bar standard, any other brilliant qualities are just extra.
What’s a foe in my eyes? Well, I suppose the only one I really have is my mother but that’s after years of abuse and neglect so I suppose my definiton is not as good as the next guys.
Luckily though I didn’t have to face JLS at lunch because she had to start a controlled assessment. So I didn’t have the awkward task of when she asked if we could sit down somewhere (meaning can we go somewhere else away from everyone else) and me saying no. At the end of the last English lesson (which is also the last lesson of the day) I heard stupid comments about the book ‘Lord of The Flies’ such as “this book is pointless”, “I don’t see the point of it” to which Miss S debated with shocked indigniation and she even asked my opinion, I said they were stupid comments. I get it if they didn’t like the book. It is a tough book to deal with if you’re not used to it. Telling me you dislike the book doesn’t make me think less of you. We all have different tastes and different tolerance for these types of things but you can at least appreciate the book and it’s intention and if you say it’s pointless, you lose points on how much I can tolerate you. Miss S, attempting to education the three idiots on my row (including JLS) asked the class for reasons. My reason was very good (I said about how Ralph managed to keep his integrity and stay away from the evil even though it was the easier thing to do and points around that) that I managed to get the class dismissed to go home.
I want to now tell you of a possibly offensive joke and truth. If you are religious I want to enforce I meant nothing behind it, I was not being offensive.
I texted my dad.
Me: Do me a favour and ring this number: 666 [this is the devil’s number according to one section of the bible]Dad: it won’t ring.
Me: You didn’t actually ring it did you?
Me: Bless you, Omg. You’re hilarious.
Me: It was a joke. 666 is the number of the devil.
Dad: Satan lives x
Me: I know, that’s why I was asking you to call him. I think I might like his version of hell better than this one.
Me: Speechless, huh? I have a tendency to do that to people.
Dad: Textless to be precise x
Me: Haha, funny. This is still hell.
School is hell for me. I hate going. I like the learning. I just don’t like: getting up, getting dressed, going into the cold, walking in, having the register, being told off, walking to class, the people, the crowds, the work, the homework, I like the food, the stairs, the air, the building, PE and well you sort of see where this is going.
I think tomorrow is going to be Hell especially. I know I wrote a quote from my dad about it being ironic it was on the date anniversary but tomorrow is the day anniversary. So by wikipedia standard, the actual anniversary. I don’t know what I’m expecting. More flashbacks than usual? More hallucinations than usual? I have a lot of flashbacks everyday. Hallucinations, maybe 3 times a week. Though they aren’t scheduled like mood swings. Well not scheduled I mean like they’re not as easy to predict. Then the Thursday is my mother’s birthday. I don’t know what to expect either. But just the way I feel I’m losing myself, I need to prepare in case these triggers, these stressors are it for me. It’s just prudent planning. It’s a good thing I have SK for over half the day (three lessons, break and lunch).
I think the reason for my lowering mental state is that I’m being punished whilst asleep and awake. Nightmares and flashbacks. Well my nightmares are flashbacks to some extent. But I don’t escape them whatever I do. So that’s probably why I’m sleeping more and just allowing the nightmares because I have them either way.