“kill yourself”

Says the anonymas person on tumblr.”I will” says the answerer.

That isn’t appropriate to my current situation but I thought I’d write a blog about this because of what happened today. I was talking to an internet friend and she asked how I was. I didn’t want to talk about how depressed I was, I wanted to have a light hearted chat. So I answered with: “meh, can’t complain you?” and she said she was fine and said “are you not depressed anymore?” and some people could interpret that different ways but I knew she meant was I manic or something so I answered with “Yes. I’ll be depressed for a few more weeks.” to which she answered “you can make yourself not be depressed and be happy.” That winds me up when people say this because if it was that easy no one could be depressed. I said to her: “Did you seriously just say that? It’s chemical. You can’t change it… [I then go onto a long rant about how it’s chemical and if people could just think happy thoughts and be better, no one would be depressed]” so she interprets that as me being the biggest bitch out there and she begins to argue with me calling me mean and stuff. Now, if she had just said “sorry I think you interpreted that wrong. I mean (insert whatever she meant there)” but she calls me mean, makes it out to be my faults, tells me to stop messaging her. To which I said “why don’t you stop messaging me? Replying to my messages just continues this” Call me childish but I needed the last word to her being mean. So we argue and maybe we could have come back from this. I could forgive all that arguing until she said these three things:

1. She said she didn’t care that I was depressed or had bipolar or anything. She thought I was mean and rude. Okay, maybe we could come back from that but then…

2. “You’re crazy seriously lol you should just read your emails. You really should go check in a psych ward because something aint right. Yeah you’re right you need tons of meds. And i can message when i want to message and using caps doesnt scare me. Just thought I’ll let you know. Dont know why you are getting angry we are over the internet seriously you are getting angry at someone you dont even know. But yeah im the one that doesnt have a life right” “To which I said: Yes I do. You’re a little girl who feigns depression whenever it suits her because she loves the attention. You use people. You’re a user. You say mean things because you’re uneducated and cruel and probably a bully and not one of those bullies where we later find out they were being harrassed by their parents but just one of those sad bullies who everyone hates because let’s face it. They’re just evil.

So, here’s the deal. I wanted to argue with you because I had respect for you but then you said that first sentence and yeah, I lost it. Thought. Seriously I’m arguing with a two year old. I could just go on twitter and get more sense from people. So yes. I hope you do one day grow up because let’s face it, you’re about grown up as a four year old. I’m going to move your messages to my junk box or just get them automatically deleted because you are the most pathetic person I have ever met in my life and I have met some pathetic people. Have fun dying alone, you pathetic girl. Ta ra!”

Which is harsh on both sides but I think the first person is harsher for saying it. In any argument, if you start the harshness. You’re worse. The other person’s harshness is in self defence so I find it harder to see them as harsher than them. If that makes sense. I’m not trying to put myself in a better light. But before I had sent that one and I promise you, I had not sent that one yet. She said:

3. lovely right

Yes that is BD from previous blogs.
So, am I entitled to hate her. Btw, that’s 11:41am her time. I don’t know like 3pm my time, something like that. But that sentence is really the focus of this blog.

Tell people to kill themselves are scum and I’m sorry if I offend any of you but it’s true. So many people, so many news stories  because people tell another person to kill themselves and then they do and it’s horrible. I never tell anyone anything I don’t mean.

But I hate people who say it because those two words can end people’s lives and I hate it. After Brianna told me that I sat there in some sort of calmness and just thought I should, you know. If people think I should. Why shouldn’t I? It just bought this calmness over me. How I really feel, I don’t know. But it’s horrible being told it.

I think the message of this blog is that you should think about what you say before you say it. You don’t know how literal someone will take those words.

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12 thoughts on ““kill yourself”

  1. The breathing exercises for panic attacks are also calming. Dismiss what people say, tis not important. Go look in a mirror, and you will see what is important. Get a good deep breath and hold it, really really deep and let it out slow. (don’t make me go BOO 😉 )

    *hugs*

    • I wasn’t having a panic attack.
      It is important what people say. It is. It’s easy to say so but it matters what people say. That’s like one of the foundations of society.
      Looking in a mirror won’t show me what’s important. A picture of a family member or something.
      It won’t help. I’ve been thinking this way for hours and even had a shower. I’m not anxious. I’m serenely calm. Like all the weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

  2. It’s amazing how something one person says can really shape your thoughts about yourself. I understand, I’ve had people tell me this before, face to face. And it really made me want to. I thought to myself, “There’s no point of living with these people if they don’t want me and I don’t want them.” My advice is, don’t listen to them. It’s hard, I know, but I surround myself with people who actually love me and know my story. I just wish some people had more respect…

    • Me too, thank you for saying this to me. That’s exactly what I thought, like I thought what’s the point. It’s hard not to listen but you are right. People shoyld have more respect and I shouldn’t listen. Thanks 🙂

  3. There Amy said the same thing I did in the email. *gets a gold star for Amy too* Yay Amy. 🙂

    The wold is full of dolts, some practice, some are just good at it. lol. Just stay away from them Munchkin, they should be required to wear signs… So we don’t invest any time in them.

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