I made up with my dad.
A mix of hypomania and snow. I don’t think you ever see a happier bunch of students than when it snows. The prospect of going home early and snow balls and fun. For a single second in time when everyone sees the snow fall everyone is happy and full of wonder and all is right in the world.
So yes! We finally got snow! We weren’t expecting it today but we awoke to find snow and of course this riled the whole school and there was that atmosphere of ambition and wonder. Hot chocolates were the main thing of the day. It was a good day.
I did have an exam so before I talk about all the good and odd stuff, let’s talk about my exam. So I had another dissociative episode last night and so I’m like 100% sure they are now stress induced. I think my stress stemed from the fact that that was my last night to revise. I need to stop doing that. Even just as an experiment because I can’t keep having stress induced dissociative periods; they just get in my way. But I’m pretty sure I failed my exam. I opened the paper and the first two questions were biology and about enzymes and them denaturing and graphs and optimum temperature and I just was like “Please test continue like this!” – it didn’t listen. Oh, exams. I then began to realise I knew very little and it wasn’t because I missed a lot of school or didn’t revise it’s because when we did this I was depressed and my memory when depressed is bad add bad memory due to insomnia and it begs the question: how do I actually remember my name? But I wrote it on my about page so if I ever do forget, I’ll go look there. Anyway, so I was sitting there thinking: I don’t know this, I’m angry, I’m sucidal, God strike me down now. So I do the few easy questions and make stuff up which could sound right on the ones I didn’t know. But when I got out, it was snowing again. But we had to go back to lessons according to the invigilators. So we went but then we were sent away told to go and have break. EXTRA BREAK TIME! Score.
I wasn’t too thrilled about PE, I still have not been feeling well. We’ve changed from badminton to netball but due to snow we had to stay indoors in the dance studio and well, as the name implies dance. But of course even whilst beckoning towards hypomania, I wasn’t prepared to do it because anger was still creeping in, so I did but when the teacher was so insistent on me doing it whilst other people were doing the exact same thing. It annoyed me to hell. It was called the lamborghini dance or something. I have not got the coordination for that sort of thing. But luckily it was still snowing when we got out and went back to change. I then had an RE end of topic test and I did surprisingly well on that. Our next RE topic is drugs. But obviously not the type of drugs I will soon have the good fortune to meet. It was then maths and I was in the sticky inbetween of hypomania and mixed episode where you’re not quite sure how the hell you’re feeling. It’s not really a good or bad feeling, more an uncomfortable one. It did branch to hypomania and ladies and gents, I don’t feel it coming down any time soon. So yes mania and all the lovely and awful things will come for the next two weeks. A welcomed break from depression.
The fever I had seemed to have burnt off most of the remements to the flu, aside from one. The infection went straight to my lungs. So they hurt but mania does something to me, I can’t quite explain it but it’s like it vamps up my immune system so it is what it says on the tin: immune.
At lunch, I bought a hot chocolate and talked to friends (in a bit of a rapid pace) and went on a walk which is when JLS and I bumped into her friend who asked: “did you know we’re going home early today?” In that rhetorical sense. To which we replied no and she said she saw it on the plasmas around school so of course we went around and looked. We got to leave half an hour early because of the snow so I went to tell SK and friends and the look on their faces; they couldn’t quite believe it. They had to check for themselves and there were two reactions the knowledge we could go home early 1. “omg! asdfghjklsdfg! Yes! Life is complete!” 2. “What? Why?” Two guesses as to how I reacted. We did still have to go to lessons but the joint antipitation and constant looking at the clock. It was way too much to bare. Everyone was happy. Which is partly why my dad and I made up because I rang him so he could pick me up earlier. How can I be angry when life is so perfect?!
With hypomania I experience two types. The high energy and the obsessive thoughts, slightly catatonic one. I have the obsessive thoughts. Not so much the catatonicness at the moment.
As I was walking out of school, I saw the smiles on people’s faces as they bravely trecked through the slush. It’s amazing the way leaving half an hour early from school can make people smile. When I got in the car, dad told me about his adventure to the hospital. I forgot he went. Why did he go? Oh, I think the title is quite obvious as to why. Correct, picking up my actiwatch.
This is a picture of my sleep diary and actiwatch. You can also see this picture on my pictures blog, along with other snow related ones from my day. What is an actiwatch you might ask? Well my dears, it is a device so the government can keep track of you. I am not entirely convinced there isn’t a microphone listening to me talk and recording it on a site of some sort. Or maybe I am a conspiracist. I wouldn’t be surprised though.
Seriously though. A sleep actiwatch is, according to my good and personal friend, wikipedia:
Actigraphy is a non-invasive method of monitoring human rest/activity cycles. A small actigraph unit, also called an actimetry sensor, is worn by a patient to measure gross motor activity. Motor activity often under test is that of the wrist, measured by an actigraph in a wrist-watch-like package. The unit continually records the movements it undergoes. The data can be later read to a computer and analysed offline. In some applications, such as the Fitbit or the WakeMate, the data is transmitted and analysed in real time.
Sleep actigraphs are generally watch-shaped and worn on the wrist of the non-dominant arm. They are useful for determining sleep patterns and circadian rhythms and may be worn for several weeks at a time. Contrary to polysomnography, the patient remains movable and does not necessarily need to be located in a laboratory while the required data is being recorded. This permits the patient to stay in his or her natural sleep environment which may render the measured data more generally applicable. Sleep actigraphs are also more affordable than performing a polysomnography and can therefore be advantageous as well, particularly when conducting large field tests.
Actigraphy is useful for assessing daytime sleepiness in situations where a laboratory sleep latency test is not appropriate. It is used to clinically evaluate insomnia, circadian rhythm sleep disorders, excessive sleepiness and restless legs syndrome. It is also used in assessing the effectiveness of pharmacologic, behavioural, phototherapeutic or chronotherapeutic treatments for such disorders.
Actigraphy has been actively used in sleep-related studies since the early 1990s. However, it has not traditionally been used in routine diagnosis of sleep disorders but is increasingly being employed in sleep clinics to replace full polysomnography.The main reason for this development is the fact that, while retaining mobility, actigraphy offers reliable results with an accuracy that is close to those of polysomnography (above 90%)
The technique is more extensively used in academic research and is being increasingly employed in new drug clinical trials where sleep quality is seen as a good indicator of quality of life.