Another day, another migraine.

Or at least something paraphrased from Squidward from Spongebob Square Pants. No particular reason for this title, I do have a migraine but that’s beside the point.

So how was school? Well, on a scale of 0 to 10. 10 being the best and 0 being “oh Lord freeze me over now” I’d say probably a firm 3.

I thought Mr TD wasn’t at his usual spot and so I got out the car fairly on time and so just as I was about to start walking, I see him standing on the corner and I am then faced with two options: get back in the car and wait until 8:35am meaning I’ll be late and also prove my cowardness or pump up my music, get my face in my phone and walk straight past him. I CHOSE THE LATTER! I avoided conversation in a spectacularly antisocial way. I got into class, had a conversation with SK but she then began to ignore me so I gave up. Next I had sociology. I like sociology and JLS was there and she gave me a JD bag and JD is not an inital for somebody, I think it’s a sports shop. Might be JD sports shop actually.I don’t know, I’m not really the ‘sports wear’ type of person. It was kind of awkward for me because I knew what was ahead but she had just given me this big boxed present, how could I start being mean? So in sociology whilst we recapped the family and feminism, the family and the marxists and functionalist views, I debated how to play it with JLS. I had it thought out, just ignore her. She’d get the hint but then of course that’s mean and she did just give me a present. I decided, talk it out first. Give the girl a chance. I said to her (more nicely and indirectly than this but this is the jist): “[JLS] I’ve gotta be honest you were a pretty much a bad friend before the new year and during the holidays. *insert list of problems here*” to which she apologised; grievences aired and we can all move on with our lives.

I then had the library where I revise English and well, that was boring. I ended up on a walk about. Before I left for the libarary JLS said “open your present and tell me what you think” but I was one of the last ones to arrive in the libarary so I had to sit at a full table and it was quiet and I felt rude opening the present in front of them so 10 minutes before lessons I went back into the school building and found a bathroom and threw my heavy bag on the floor (I have a 100 pound English folder in there) and opened it, they were these shoes she had but in blue with a heel hidden in the back (see photo on photos blog) and I do love them. But the i remembered all I had bought for her was a small tub of chocolates so I decided that when we went to get my brother’s hair cut, I’d buy her another present. Maths, was well. Maths. Dad wasn’t happy about my maths school 18/45 because I know that even with my bad memory and problems with concentrating I can achieve higher and despite my dad’s many, many flaws. He didn’t blame me like a lot of parents would, he knows how bad my maths teacher is at teaching and I was in the clear of course this means that dad will have to help me with the homework.

English and we had group work. I don’t like group work, relying on people to help is such an annoyance, I want to pass and fail on my merit and my merit alone plus talking to people isn’t really my strong suit. Especially when the teacher picks the group. But I didn’t get too bad a group. The group consisted of a ‘geek’ (this term is not meant to offend), two average but mature guys and me. None of the misbehaved lot. So we got the work done.

Lunch was okay, but we were avoiding JLS’ exboyfriend when Mr TD walks around the corner, he smiles at me but and I did not and I swear I did not do this on purpose, I looked up for a split second, looked back down processed the fact he just smiled at me and the looked up but it was too late to be polite. Anyway he circles back and this time we stare long enough that it turns into a conversation, he makes a joke about me misbehaving and smoking, both of which I sarcastically agree to. He’s not even 3 feet away and JLS bursts out laughing but at least she didn’t talk to him and embarass me and make things worse.

English again and we had to present our work, I don’t mind presenting to this class. I have a loud, clear voice. I don’t get anxious. Surprisingly enough and that was it. Exam tomorrow and the next day. I dread it.

With mixed episodes it’s hard because it sometimes feel like I’m stuck between two worlds; deep dark and depressing and fluffy, light and unstoppable. Causing irritability, argumentativeness, aggressiveness, anxiety. I mainly have racing thoughts which are depressing and high energy but suicidal ideology. So school is just generally a struggle plus the cortisol cream I’ve been using on my rash had worn off part way through and my back after such a long day is killing me and I forgot to put gel on this morning. But the day was improved by arriving of some books, though no reading tonight, revising. …Woo…

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