Keep your eyes set on the horizon.

I’ve been trying to pick a new theme, I can’t find one I like. I’m going for simplicity.

To quote one of my most favourite villians: “I’m soooo changeable. It is a weakness with me, but to be fair to myself, it is my only weakness.”

So mania is gone, mixed episode is here. I can hear everyone going down in their seats.Yes, the usual culprits are part of the ‘mixed episode’ gang. Anger, frustration, paranoia, anxiety – racing thoughts with depression to put it bluntly.
I knew I was going down, fast talking had decreased. Implusiveness had gone down. Which is good. In a way.

Mixed episodes raise my level of frustration and irritability. I’m like a ferret. Keep me happy, feed me and don’t irritate me and I can answer with a lot of decorum (I’ve just changed the theme) and stay relatively unangry. Irritate me in the smallest way and I will lose my temper – big time. Luckily I didn’t.

I initally only said I’d go to school for sociology but our teacher had lost her voice and so there wasn’t a lot of point because we hardly did anything then watched a video (they still exist) on prisons. JLS wasn’t in. It annoyed me but I found out she was quite ill so I forgave her. But it leads me with the worse problem. I ALWAYS feel bad because I like SK, MU, AS etc and go off with JLS because I prefer the one on one time but when she’s not here and I go with them, I feel they get annoyed me doing it like that. I then had the library, I revised maths and looked up mixed affective disorder and I still don’t know the true definition for that, searching on the internet it just comes up with “Bipolar Affective Disorder” which I’m beginning to think is sort of the same thing. But I know for certain it is a subcatergory of bipolar.

Then maths, we had a test. I ‘finished’ 20mins before. Missing a few questions. Now, whilst I don’t like spreading life altering gossip. I do want to share a rumour and I use that term because whilst it sounds true, I’m not sure…One of the girls in my maths class has two friends, let’s call them friend A and friend B; both take drugs. Friend A was walking past a teachers meeting and he was experincing symptoms of drug withdrawal. Fidgety, playing with his nose, sweating, putting his head in his hands and stuff and apparently the teachers saw that too and reported it to the headmaster. Then friend B walked past and heard them say that my maths teacher is now just continuing till the end of the year because the school can’t afford to replace him because they don’t have the staff. If true, I don’t think it’s fair because he’s screwed up our education. If not true, then it’s mean to spread it. If true that he takes prescription drugs and they caused him problems then okay, maybe acceptable. Also if true, I could see why the school want to keep it underwraps. If parents found out there would be a large argument in terms of grades and exams. I told my dad; he didn’t say much.

Then English, little boring, just exam stuff. Lunch was alright too. English was the same.

But I got Christmas cards and a Christmas present. This raises a problem. Before I left the car this morning, my dad told me because his left eye… right eye (the well one) was better so he wasn’t going doctors today. So I threw a rage and walked off in a huff. But turns out my dad is getting everything ready in case he needs to go to hospital. His eye sight is getting worse and I told him. Though he calls it “getting my affairs in order” – that sounds like he’s dying. I think he doesn’t know what he’s saying.

Just to sort of put the current health of the house in perspective I will say one sentence:It’s a bad day when I’m the healthiest one in the house.


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