To dispell rumors. I haven’t tired of writing blogs. I still love it. I have started writing one over the past few days but then my manic brain would wander somewhere else and I’d forget, I have about 6 drafts of blogs that I just can’t remember what I was going to write. So what’s new in my lovely life?
Not much. My back still hurts.
On the new side though, I’ve developed more blisters. I wasn’t worried before because I always get weird things in random ways and then they go and nothing comes of it. I always get bruises everywhere with no clue how I get them but they go. I probably should be more worried about them, but I’m not. The blisters… there’s no fluid in them. I used to have one on my right hand, one on my left wrist and one on the back of my left leg and about a week later I developed one on my ankle where the socks are and figured that was the cause. I was a bit of an immature child and scratched them and now the one on my hand and ankle have scarred. But a few new ones have popped up. One on my tummy and two on my leg. They are itchy as hell. My dad wants me to go the doctor but I don’t want to and not because of my usual stubborn stance on doctors, but because the self harm on the left wrist isn’t healed and I have poor circulation in my legs and the scars on my legs haven’t healed, plus I have stretch marks on my legs and it means I’d have to shave them. I know, shaving them for a doctor sounds odd but I don’t want him to think I’m THAT scruffy. Maybe I will go see him. I also have acne on my chest. All in all my skin is not looking very nice at the moment.
My brother has the flu and he has an AWFUL cough and it sounds like it hurts him and I just have to sit here and listen to it and feel bad. That’s partly why I’m glad all this stuff has happened to me, I think I’d be worse at coping with my brother and father being ill with the things I’ve got than I am at coping with my own ailments. I’m an exaggeration empathiser. Meaning I would exaggerate the pain they feel and feel it myself.
I have been watching the British Sherlock Holmes series. I didn’t watch it when it came out, I don’t know why I didn’t because it sounds just up my street. I loved the movies with Robert Downey Jnr. I also watched the CBBC version with children and Sherlock sort of employing them as spies and I read one of the cases. For people who haven’t seen it, it’s like a modern day spin on Sherlock Holmes. John Watson writes a blog and Holmes hates on it and then when they go to the police station everyone is commenting on how much they love it and it makes me laugh. But Holmes calls himself “a high functioning sociopath” because I don’t think this Sherlock Holmes is on drugs like he is in the books. So they have to give him something but I like that one. Which is probably an awful thing to say.
My title, it means, to me at least that there is a blessing in any problem and some people will go on cue to see it and revel in it whilst others will miss there cue and focus on the problem. I’m applying this to my dad’s problem. His eyes. He could have saw this as a blessing to finally get his cataracts removed but he hasn’t saw that. I mean to be fair he is within his rights to. He can’t see in the dark anyway and he has compromised vision in one eye. Why am I mentioning this again? Well that leads us onto the next section… TOMORROW AND MY FEELINGS..
Sleep clinic in the morning, I have literally no idea what to expect. Plus it’s in a hospital and I hate hospitals, just because nothing ever good happens when I go. I’ve only been once for a good thing; to see my brother after he was born and I can’t remember that. Plus I don’t like sick people. Alright, that sounded harsh. But they make me sad because they’re ill. Plus what really needs to be talked about that long….How many hours do you sleep? usually 1-2. If I sleep more than 3 I have a nightmare.
What do your nightmares include? *awkward stare at dad* … evil rabbits. Evil rabbits with pick axes.
What is your room like? It has a bed and some other stuff.
What I mean is anything to distract you? yeah! Loads! Books, lights, fluff, … well that’s when manic. When depressed, no.. Not really.
Okay, I think we’re done here.
Then I want to miss PE so I go and mess around in a store.
But here’s where the problem arises. Paid for pdoc at 5pm. Problem, it’s dark. My dad can’t see. So we have to get a taxi. He said he’s going to have to get a driver… I looked at him and said “why don’t you just teach me to drive?” I know, at 16 it is technically illegal. But Americans can drive at 16 and I’m just as mature as majority of them… Okay! I know I’m sounding offensive… it’s like I don’t have a filter. I’ll be legal next year. No one would know if we just put learner plates on the car and he taught me. We’re not in a finanical situation to buy a driver right now. You can’t buy people… I mean, hire one. I do not mean ANY offense to anyone. I am truly sorry. Plus I need to learn how to drive anyway because I basically want to pass my test the minute I can.
My feelings on the pdoc? I’m pretty happy to go. I’m crossing my fingers hoping for a diagnosis. I get why pdocs aren’t wanting to diagnose young. Plus if they diagnose something else and give me just one medication and I go full manic or full depressed to the point where I kill myself then they aren’t going to be happy. I get what CAMHS said that. But, I thought of another reason why he’s wrong. Sleep. Okay, so my sleep problem is chemical. Not even melatonin made me sleep that much. We can’t say it’s psychological when so many of my chemicals are out of wack and hopefully paid for pdoc will see that. I hope these high opinion of him aren’t crushed tomorrow.
Also, I’ve been hallucinating for about an hour that the whole room is sparkling. Like fairy dust sparkling. At first it was scary, blinding and horrible. But I’m beginning to like it.