Mixed episodes and a quick update.

Sorry for my lack of posting and just general lack of contact.

I’ve found the biggest trigger for anger during mixed episodes is frustration and if my computer was not to work; internet was slow etc. I’d get angry and it’d build up so I’d have to let it out in a physical way… Probably punching something and my hand really can’t take that again.I could have done it on my phone but I’ve been just getting buried under work.

I have been frequently fluctuationg between mixed episodes and hypomania but it’ll settle on one soon and that’ll probably be hypomania but at this moment I’m glad, trying to cram in as much sleep as I possibly can (which isn’t much, it’s reducing everyday) but once mania sets in I’ll be lucky to get 1 hour every two days and my body is not going to be happy when mania finishes which is probably good we have two weeks left of school so I have the holidays to recover from it. But hypomania and mania has the be the dominant mood for mania to count as “mania period”.

I have a CAMHS appointment of Monday. Which I’ll probably be in a mixed episode for, again. If I try and stay relaxed over the weekend and not work myself up to much I can lessen the amount of time mixed episode stays – at least in theory.

As for what I’ve been doing with myself, school. Mainly. My grades are slipping. In science I’m getting low Bs to Cs when I should be getting As and Bs. In history I should be getting A*s to As but I’m getting Bs. For the things I can revise for, I do. That’s what sucks. I push through the low motivation and have been trying to force myself into school just to keep up but I’m not getting the grades I want or need. So I’ve been trying to focus on school but it’s easier said than done. I don’t get a lot of support at school, my form tutor said we’d discuss a mentor after the Christmas holidays, so we’ll see what comes of that. It’s hard to deal with changing moods, hallucinations, paranoia AND school work, all at once. Something has to stop (or at least decline) and since I have little control over my moods, no control over hallucinations and no control over the paranoia, school work has to be the one to suffer and I hate myself for it because a lot of people think I’m dealing with everything quite well and I want to be dealing with it well but just because I hand in work on time and up to a reasonable standard of quality doesn’t mean I don’t struggle. I have to force myself to do work, any work. Sit there and force myself and it’s emotional and mental struggle all the way but why show people? Why tell someone, especially students you’re struggling when it is much easier to say you don’t care or didn’t try?

My wisdom teeth have started to come through but they’re coming in wrong so I may have to have my 2nd molars out. I also finished the first chaper and have started the second chapter, so I’ll put that up – I know, took me long enough. I finished it Thursday and I’m planning to get the 2nd bit out soon but I did it and I’m happy I did.

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10 thoughts on “Mixed episodes and a quick update.

  1. Huggss….. I was wondering on you.

    And yes … homework .. some stuffs you can send me too if you have questions ok. (Note – I am gone from Tuesday … but if sent over the weekend I can try to look at it ok.)

    • I’m still here! šŸ™‚ Just been busy and just lots of things going on.

      Well, this weekend I am totally focusing on science and Im good with science so it’s fine. But I will take up that offer with maths, thanks.

      • Ahhh … I love science too *smiles*…high-5!

        Just let me know on the maths…(but whispers…after Tuesday I will not be online until Dec. 25th…Christmas day!)

        *gives you a hug*

        • Nods … yes, I will be away by then. (I am taking my daughter on a vacation trip from Dec 10 – 24. We are going to Hawaii woo.)

          I’m glad you dad can help … it’s good bonding time sometimes. And I think that family helping family is AWESOME in too many ways to explain … sometimes there is struggle because there is familiarity with one another. (Read that as … my daughter and I both sometimes get frustrated with one another lol.) Sooo … if that does happen, just think to yourself, “dad is trying … we are both being snot heads … and just know he loves you.

          But maybe you work well together in that department. If so. Yah!!!

          so .. if you have tme … what kind of science are you taking? (If you can’t tell by now, I am one of those nerdy girls who loved school lol.)

          • omg, so jealous. Have fun! How old’s your daughter? I bet you’ll both love it!

            It is difficult, I’m not as reasonable when manic. I’m probably very unreasonable, believing I am right all the time so whilst when depressed and sometimes even hypomanic, I can understand where we both are coming from and realise how frustrated he is, when manic, I just know that I am right and usually think I am the centre of the world. But with maths, I can’t argue because I don’t know enough.

            I take all 3: biology, physics and chemistry at GCSE. Next year I will just be taking biology.
            Aw, that’s cute :3 I have a funny relationship with school. It’s not really school, more the fact my mental illness has caused school to be an unpleastant place for me. So I have a lot of negative connotations with it. I used to love school when I was younger, until I developed anorexia and depression. Then I hated it. But then I moved in with my dad and I got better and I loved school again and that continued for about 2 years until I developed bipolar disorder and insomnia and anxiety disorder related with social anxiety and I can’t stand the place. I like doing majority of work but when I have little motivation, it’s hard to love it.

          • My daughter is 12 … but will turn 13 the day we return home.

            Reads about your dad … and recalls reading things about how he is trying to cope with things too nod nods. You both just have to do what you can .. when you can. Tis hard when both of you are trying to figure out things.

            As for school…maybe one day you will like it again. Maybe at times if you have someone to do class work with it will help.

            For now … ohhh…physics….I love physics! Shhhhh….do not tell Amber or she will tell others I know and they will call me a nerd even more than they do now! (But I don’t mind … its a good thing to be smart yes?) So … biology I am wayyy less adept at….so you can teach me things. Chemistry too … I am not as good in that. Math and Physics though …. yahhh.

            • Aw, then going to Hawail is the best birthday preset.

              Least I’m vocal about it šŸ˜›

              It’s not class work that upseting me šŸ™‚

              It’s a very good thing to be smart. I’m good at biology and chemisty but not so much physics. Maybe because of the maths šŸ˜›

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