I was supposed to take 6mg for only a week. I’ve taken it for 8 days.My dad wanted me to stop it pretty much the night after I’d first taken it.
But he’s sure I shouldn’t have it now: the fact I’m scared to take it and procrastinate so I don’t have to take it. As last night he was awoken by me yelling “dad” in my sleep.
This was around 4:30am, I woke up pretty soon after.
He stood outside the door listening because he doesn’t know whether I’m sleeping or not.
So I’m not taking it tonight.
I thought I’d feel tired around the same time I would have taken it but I’m not.
I feel quite wired so I know mixed episodes and mania is on the way.
Another way I know is the shivering.
The way I found that “Bipolar Center” article was looking up whether bipolar and temperature regulation were related.
When manic, my body, I think is not at all used to it and so displaces some of the energy into my body cooling me down, making me shiver (which is not very nice for my back).
Even though I’m very warm. It also decreases my appetite so that I don’t NEED to eat but if someone hands me so food, I’ll eat it. But this is where I tend to lose weight. Though I also lose weight during depression when it’s severe for long periods of time. I’ve just stopped weighing myself.
But yes, I’ve stopped melatonin. I may get a few hours of sleep. Probably 3 hours, with a nightmare and it will slowly dissolve out as the melatonin leaves my blood stream. But with mania it will dissolve fast. I know by the end of mania I will be physically out of it, my back will be killing me and I will be absolutely tired. But I’m looking forward to it. I’ve just got to cope with those pesky mixed episodes first. I know it’s coming on, I have the familar “pre mixed episode feelings”.
But yes, I am actually tired. I am going to pray I sleep. Well I know I will. But I also know my body will go back to it’s usual sleeping pattern of 1hr, 2hrs, no hours etc etc. So the sleep deprivation will be harder than before since my body has experienced some sort of sleep. But I can’t take the nightmares anymore. Torturous. Awful. Things.
On a side note, I will probably be in a mixed episode when I awake and I have Mr TD tomorrow and I will sit there in a very angry mood with him. I better prepare myself for: anger, tears, violence and the inevitable going up to hypomania and mania.