Night terror.

I’ve had a bad migraine continuing since yesterday eve though I am depressed again. Figures.Since I was running out of migraleve, I rang the pdoc and he said I could have one melatonin and as any migraine suffer knows dark rooms and migraines are best friends. So I went to lie in my room. I fell asleep. Not 3 hours maybe just an hour, ever since my dad went out for rations 😉
I had a night terror.

I can’t remember the beginning, not really but that’s like always. Maybe it’s a subconcious way of saying in life I don’t know how I ended up there. Anyway, so I was at my mother’s house with both my brother and my dad. But I felt utterly lost anyway I started having one of my ‘drunk’ episodes. Which is where my blood sugar dips. Turns out my body can survive no food, it can survive no sleep but it can’t survive both. So I mimic the symptoms of being drunk. In real life I’ve told my dad this but in the dream they wanted to take me to a hospital but then my mother starts acting weird. She starts yelling at me and my dad at this time is holding me steady and she throws a rock at me (she never has before fyi) and I ‘sober’ up. My dad and I run into the house and I say to him dad let me come live with you. But he says no. I beg and beg and he still says no and then I say what about just for tonight, figuring I could probably twist his arm the next day. So I begin shoving my stuff into bag and I throw down some clothes and ask him to put them in a black plastic bag and then I ask if I can have just a normal plastic bag and he says he doesn’t know where they are. So I keep packing but the things aren’t staying in the bags, they won’t fit even though the bags are practically empty. I go downstairs again and she’s managed to get in and I tell her I’m leaving and I get some pills out from the cupboard, but they don’t look like pills. Like my melatonin or migraleve. They look like those buttons that have been applique with fabric that you find on sort of old people’s formal suits. They were also numbered and I began to scrape them into my hand. She began to fight me for them, like literally fight. We were in the kitchen and somehow there was a sofa behind us and then these other people came and started trying to take them away from me to. But I fought free with majority of my pills though I wasn’t happy they weren’t going to be able to be taken in order. Then ran up stairs and tried to figure out where to put them, I put them in one of my bead tubs so I wouldn’t lose them. I came downstairs again and my brother was sitting and I told him to pack and he said “forever?” and I said “no, for the weekend like usual” but my plan was to tell him that we were going to stay with dad forever. But my mother goes “stop controlling him” and when we were younger everyone thought I did. I suppose I did but I was like a mother to him, he was a baby he didn’t know what he wanted or what was best at that age so I had to tell him or at least heavily guide him to that decision. Though this was a long time a go and he’s much more opinionated and strong willed now. But that’s obviously a reflection from that. The bags still wouldn’t fill up and I hadn’t seen my dad. I was crying and very stressed out.

I woke up. These dreams feel so real. I think they’re real whilst having them.
You have no idea how glad I am when I wake up.


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