I self harmed. Tonight.
Why do I self harm?
Because I’m suicidal, numb. I want some feeling again. I want to chase away the suicidal feelings. Contary to popular belief, self harming is not a sucidal act. In many people it is an act to avoid sucide. So that’s why I do it. I know many people can get addicted to self harm, I’m not. I don’t do it every night/day. I do it when I need it. Plus what with mania, the scabs heal by then and I think mania is the thing that stops me getting addicted because it’s takes a while to feel that bad again, feel like there is no hope.
Let’s turn this into a sciencey blog:
Self-injury remained very much a mystery until 1996 when Princess Diana revealed that she had struggled with it. It has become much more visible in society within the last ten years. Self-injury is also termed self-mutilation, self-harm, or self-abuse. It can be defined as the deliberate, repetitive, impulsive, non-lethal harming of one’s self, including but not limited to;
3) picking or interfering with wound healing
4) infecting oneself
5) punching/hitting self or objects
6) inserting objects in to skin
7 )bruising or breaking bones and
8) some forms of hair pulling
Out of those, during my life I have: cut, punched/hitting self or objects, brusing and pulling out my hair. So I’ve battled with it on and off.
What makes people self-harm?
It usually happens when you feel very distressed. This can be caused by abuse, feeling depressed, feeling bad about yourself or relationship problems. You may do it because you feel:
- not listened to
- out of control
You are more likely to self-harm if you were abused in childhood.
Self-harming can help you to feel in control and less tense. So, it can be a ‘quick fix’ for feeling bad.
While these behaviors pose serious risks, they may be symptoms of a problem that can be treated.
Experts estimate that 4% of the population struggle with self-injury. It has the same occurrence between males and females, even though in popular culture it can appear to be more prevalent among girls.
• Inability to understand or express feelings
• Past Abuse
Self-injury, like alcohol and drug abuse and eating disorders, is addictive, and thus not something that is easy to simply stop. However, while all addictions are very difficult to overcome, help and treatment are out there and available, and recovery and freedom are possible.We believe this is true whether someone’s struggles may be self injury, depression, drugs and alcohol, body image issues, sexual addiction, or other areas of brokenness.
To round off, I have a lot of these problems. That’s why I self harm, though there are organisations that help. My preference being: To Write Love On Her Arm (http://www.twloha.com/)
I’ve bought some wristbands from there one saying: “Dreams VS Fears” and the other “To Write Love on Her Arm”, as well as a tshirt which says “At Least We Live Tonight” and TWLOHA are supported by bands such as Paramore, Satallite etc.
A lot of you may have read this blog and have seen as one of the many themes, an addictive personality. I’ve had kletptomania which is where you’re addicted to stealing (which I’ve overcome and managed to return majority of items that I never used anyway because I wasn’t really interested in), addicted to online shopping (also stopped now). So it’s only natural you think that I could become addicted to self harm. But mania stops that addiction. Mania just stops it.
I know the question will come up as to whether I want to stop.
It’s a pretty obvious answer. I do but if this keeps me alive. Then I’m going to keep doing it. Till I no longer feel like I want to die.