So it’s 12:42pm and it’s lunch time. I’m blogging about the feelings I feel right now. FEELS! 😉
So JLS has gone off with some guy she fancies, leaving me. Some friends I have. But it’s like the eternal school thing. Do we choose to be alone with no friends or do we stay with the friends who treat us badly?
I’m pretty alone and still do crave human companionship, even though I hate being touched. Which isn’t good as JLS is pretty touchy-feely. But I choose to be second banana because I’d rather be treated badly than alone.
Even now I’m standing beside a group of 8 girls and only know 4 of them, but I look like I’m a part of it so I don’t look so alone.
Depressions still bad. I go through feelings of crying my eyes out to despair and it’s just a lot of pain for one little heart to take. I sometimes wonder if the fast heart beat is the heart trying to shake off the pain. But of course that’s ridiculous; it’s anxiety.
I feel disconnected from surroundings a lot. Time feels surreal. Sometimes too fast, sometime too slow and sometimes I just feel time is an anomaly.
I have RE next and I hope we don’t have a test because I haven’t revised.
I’m going to go in a walk whilst listening to music. I might just take a walk around the school in the rain to look like the movie portrayed, clichely depressed.
I think music and walking will keep the suicidal tendencies away…