I fell asleep at about 11:30pm.I woke up at about 2:48pm (checked my iPod).
I’d say that was roughly 3 hrs sleep.
After that, I was going to write a blog. But I was comfty. Depressed.
Then at about 5-6am, I got into that half way sleep again. BOOM! Vivid terrors again.
I snapped out of that about 8am.
Probably due to my selfish family. No, this isn’t going to be about my dad’s alcoholism because there are two sides to that.
No, they are selfish because they were loud. My brother’s game was loud. My dad’s voice is loud.
I wasn’t talking to my dad because I needed to calm down and see both sides. So for all he knew, I was asleep.
But they made a racket.
So due to my early-ish bedtime and how I’m depressed and can’t leave my bed once Ive woken up.
I have to get everything done during the day.
So it’s 10:15 now.
I get into a zen zone till 11am.
I get up and get my work and start doing my health work.
This should bring us till 2-3pm.
Break and chill out.
Personal statement rewrite.
Cut and stick.
Write in journal.
This is more realistic as there are more hours in the day.
But let me finish writing this blog first.
So I’m worried that if these night terrors keep happening my body will stop accepting the melatonin and work it off. I don’t know it scienctifically. I just know that my “flight or fight” response is keyed up against brain attacks and the fight or flight system will fight off the melatonin if it doesn’t stop it.
Did I ever tell you about the hallucination I had on Thursday?
I didn’t? That’s because I wasn’t sure of what’d I saw. I’ve been replaying it my head. I’m sure now. So, I was driving down – wel my dad was – this road and it was dark and we could only see in our headlights and I see a pink animated, like Pokemon style cat run across the road. It’s bright pink. The tip of it’s tail is slightly darker shader of pink. I never saw it’s face because of the direction it was headed. But it was the cutest fucking thing. If I was driving, I would have braked. This is why I won’t be allowed to drive. I would have caused a traffic accident due to … deja vu… Not about the pink kitten but I had a dream about this before and realizing it was deja vu about writing about it. Too creepy.
Shake that off….
Anyway, so I saw it and followed it with my eyes and it ran off in the hedge. I was going to tell my dad but I didn’t like his tone.