My daddy’s birthday.

Who else is feeling the pinch of the cold weather? It’s the perfect time to get the hot chocolate out and watch a movie. It’s the weekend it’s the perfect time!
So yes, that is my advice for this cold weather.

But onto my day!
So I woke up at 6am after an hours sleep. I put my arm out to get my computer and it was colder than my bed. I decided to stay in the warm, safe haven. If I had remember I had coursework I said I’d so after the sleep. I would have gotten up and done it. But at 7am, I remembered and began to do it. But half an hour was hardly enough time to do it. It’s funny, the usually I am very aware of my moods. At that moment, the urgency to finish it outweighted any mood I was in. During that I gave dad my birthday present to him. A book by Edward Monkton called “The Penguin of Death”, it’s sort of a long story but basically for a time people used to say I ran like a penguin and my dad caught wind and yeah…

But then I had to rush to get ready. So that sucked. I had to cut out the things I’d printed in the car and stick them down with crappy glue.
We arrived at school and I didn’t want to get out the car. I was depressed. I wanted back to the safe confines of my bed. Where I was safe to think and where the outside world couldn’t hurt me. But reluctantly I went, I got in and SK and PV asked whether I was to do the university challenge. I was angry and depressed so I said: “no” SK asked if I was “pissed off” – I wasn’t well, not at her.

Then to maths, on the way SK and I talked a little about CAMHS but I didn’t really want to talk about it. I got to maths and I said to myself I had to knuckle down. But it’s hard to knuckle down when your maths teacher isn’t very good. We’re doing geometery. Today was circles, well it has been all weeks. Sections? I think was what it was. He wrote the formula for it on the board. He wrote a “theta” a greek symbol. See, teachers write on the board adlib but if they’re writing things they’re explaining it, you get it. You understand the madness. But for a teacher to walk in the room and expect GCSE Yr 11 students to just guess what you mean, then it’s unfair. Anyway, I was really at breaking point. My eyes were teary. I was suicidal. Tired. I wanted nothing more than to go home, get into bed, grab my beloved razor and draw ruby drops from my wrist and get these thoughts out of my head. I needed to leave. I wait for JLS to walk through the door so I could at least talk about it. She never came. I left the room at 9:15am and went to the bathroom, cried and calm down a bit. But I wasn’t calming. I went back and drew on the worksheets. Whenever he came, I pretended to work.
Then we had health, I was beginning to feel better. Suicidal feelings had gone away. Still depressed but that’s par for the course.
Sociology is always fun; considering that for A level. Talked to ND and we (my health teacher and I) think she has iron anaemia. She hasn’t been to the gym for a month. Trust me, that’s a biggie. She always goes.
My history teacher has resumed that creepy scaring. SK jokes he fancies me. I say it’s a murdering look. It’s not my fault the entire class makes fun of him.
Lunch, stealing chips off people’s plates. SK and MU went to yell at AK after she said (well shouted) she didn’t like her (SK).
Physics was good. Our teacher makes fun of people a lot. We were doing formule for kinetic energy, gravitational potential energy. There was sum on the board. (name of what we were trying to work out)=1/2 x 10 x 102 <(that two is squared). He worked it out and purposefully got the wrong answer, I think it was 502 (< the two is supposed to be squared). He asked what he did wrong and what we’re supposed to do. Some girl said the wrong thing and no one else knew so I thought, it’s obvious! He didn’t square the 10 before multiplying it. So I said “You have to square the 10 before doing the rest of the equation” and he said I was correct and everyone started clapping even the science teacher started to. I know it was sarcastic and I know it didn’t mean anything. But it made me smile.

After school, I got into the car and my iPhone had arrived (go to for pictures).

I talked to JLS, she took the day off to watch the last Twilight movie “Breaking Dawn”.

I have finished setting it up I think.

I was going to make my dad cakes for his birthday but we didn’t have enough butter or sugar. So I will make it tomorrow after shopping.

So I’m taking the melatonin tonight. Here are the rules I allow myself:
1. Take at a time when I will go to bed during the week. 2. Little bit of light allowed so I don’t work myself up from paranoia. But phone and computer is a no-no. 3. If I have not fallen asleep by 3am (considering I’m taking it around 9-10pm and it’s supposed to work after an hour, I’m being generous) then rule about phones, electronics and all things that the piece of paper banned are not back into play as I refuse to lie there till 7am, not sleeping. 4: I have to sleep longer than 5 hours for it to be considered a sucess AND without a nightmare.

Melatonin, you up for the challenge?


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