You’ve probably realised that today is the 14th, so tomorrow is the 15th (I know it’s mind blowing). So CAMHS is tomorrow. I have to write this blog now as I am at school tomorrow and I don’t have a phone to write it on the way there. So how am I feeling?
Nervous: I don’t know what they want or are going to do. Least with the paid for pdoc there are set plans. I know the next time I go it will be to discuss the mood diary and probably get a diagnosis. I don’t know what this involved and whether it’ll be just another assessment with no real outcome or whether they’ll give me a diagnosis. Like an offical one rather than “it seems like bipolar, but I don’t know, we need to assess you more”.
Worried: Partly because I will be offically labelled as a bipolar *insert type here* girl and all the lovely discrimination that comes with it. I already experience some discrimination, experiencing it more will just kill me. Possibly. Probably no. I do have a flair for the dramatic. Also to which mood I’ll be in. Mixed episode and mania give me the confidence to stand up for myself but mania means I will talk to no end and will reveal things I will regret later and that do not and should not be discussed on the first meeting of them. Whereas a mixed episode will give me a temper and an attitude to match. It won’t be a productive atmosphere.
Excited: Maybe well finally get somewhere.
Happy: I get to have lunch but miss one period of history. Though if we’re watching a movie. I will be sad 😥
Prepare for an uber (never used that word before, maybe never will again) long blog tomorrow.