Contradictions.

I think one thing we can all agree on is that if I get diagnosed as bipolar, I am a rapid cycler.I’ve gone from a mixed episode to mania C. I feel like it’s such a contradiction but it’s true but it makes me and everyone confused. So I’m happy. I have a lot of energy but I make sense. I cleaned my room up a bit, put up some posters I have been meaning to put up and I just have this buzz.
The problem I think with mixed episodes is to go from the best most awesome feeling of your entire life to go to the worst pretty fast is hard. It sucks. It’s just a fast come down and I think the body thinks mixed episodes lessen the fall but the don’t they’re just as hard. Maybe even more so. Did you know most people with bipolar commit suicide in the mixed episode? (rather than in any other episode is what I mean not that majority of bipolar people who have mixed episodes will kill themselves). So it kinda sucks. But now I don’t know what to do with myself. If I was depressed I’d be all tired and lying in bed and just dead. I wanna do something. But that?
One of the things I could do is write a blog I’ve been meaning to write for a while, I also have RE homework so I shall write said blog and then do my RE homework and then we’ll see what I feel like doing afterwards.

Ah, yes the blog… I feel like it deserves a new blog though, a fresh clean one. So watch this space for a blog I will entitle it: “Functioning”

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17 thoughts on “Contradictions.

  1. nods the mixed phase is bad. You are more impulsive, wait more? No wrong word, more is not close, anger is barely controlled, strong anger. Then depression pops on top of it all. Rash decisions are made, and one is a very bad one. *looks at you* this one, you must always fight, laff at, scold ignore.. what ever it takes to keep it away.

    oh and I love your new look! the munchkin bear is perfect!

    now, what exciting thing did you decide to do? 🙂

    • I will tell you but I don’t want to go into great depth because I hate myself for it.
      My brother is a few inches taller but a lot thinner but a hell of a lot stronger.
      To cut a long story short, I was paranoid, he kept laughing and whispering. I tackled him. He thought it was in fun so he let me. I started to strangle him. He changed colour. Dad pulled me off him. I realised what I’d done. I started to cry. Brother got upset and angry and walked off. Dad got angry. I cried more.
      I did apologise. He forgave me. But I still hate myself for it.

      • nods, honestly though, that is not so abnormal between brother and sister. or two brothers, or two sisters. He pushed buttons. You reacted. It was a while ago? you haven’t done anything like that since because you stop yourself now? He understands now maybe?

        *hugs* it is good you hate yourself for it, It keeps you from repeating, Don’t dwell on it though. he forgave you munchkin, think about that. he forgave you.

        • It is abnormal to strangle someone. I wouldn’t have stopped if I was pulled off. He didn’t even mean to push my buttons. It wasn’t that long ago. I am stopping myself. He understood that it wasn’t me it was the mood swings but doesn’t make up for it.

          I will dwell on it for the rest of my life. I almost killed my brother. That’s not something you forget.

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