Back to a mixed episode. This mania was more intense but shorter than the time before.Mixed episode? Irritability. Laughing whilst crying (literally). Anger. Rage. All, I think fuelled by frustration and confusion as to why I suddenly went so down.
I was manic through morning, I went to hypomania through break and in the library (instead of textiles) and down to a low hypomania episode and then mixed.
I got irritated by SK off handed remarks which I promised to myself I would ignore. But she called this hoodie ’emo’ and when I came over said “where’s your best friend?” meaning JLS and just lots of stuff. I just don’t want to lose my temper. I try and keep it controlled. But my buttons are being pushed easier than usual. I’ve hurt my brother before. I throw things. I don’t know how dangerous I am.
However I am a little happier now since I saw what a lovely anonymousperson did for me *winks and looks in their direction*
I will admit I was frothing at the mouth from anger but I saw that and smiled and it made me happier and I calmed down immensely. It’s funny how things like that can make you happier. Even with bipolar. I did hope that I’d be manic tomorrow like mood maths *cheers* taught us but we didn’t account for all the variables or “invisible numbers” – not quite sure what they are I just heard them in a movie. But we were close. It’s also possible I could go up to manic again. Like some sort of anomly, so it could go higher or stay the same or it could go lower.
So anything can happen! 😛
Today, lessonwise was okay. Sociology was fun. I actually do enjoy sociology. I think it’s because the teachers are funny and it is interesting. We have parents day next Tuesday. We can choose who our parents see or our parents can pick. My original plan was maths and science as we have to go to at least 1 of them as I have to register and say I was here for the day. But then my sociology teacher Miss RY asked whether my dad was coming in for parents day. I said he was. She then implied she wanted to see him but saying “you don’t have to if I don’t want to” – I could hardly say no.
Break then, it was good.
Library, I was doing my health homework but word was messing it about.
I then had maths and I got there early. So I went to the bathroom to check my eyes, I begin to sing but then a person came in so I swiftly left. My eyes are blood shot. Sore. They look awful. Maybe I should go to the optitons to check they’re okay? I’ll forget.
Maths I just listened to JLS talk about her boyfriend. I listened for a long time. I changed the subject to the obsession that I still have with DLG, I showed her some of the pictures I drew. Did she care? Nope. She basically called me crazy.
First period of English, I got 9/10 on this thing we did last week or the week before. So that’s an A or an A*. I don’t know.
When we were walking out of English we (JLS and I) bumped into this guy. They started talking and then as we were walking down the stairs I saw this poster. It wasn’t a mental illness one for once. It was our headmaster in an Obama style poster – blue and red, telling us to pick up litter. Hilarious. I tapped JLS on the shoulder and told her to look at it. She looked, we laughed. Then she said “damn it” as she’d lost the guy she was talking to. We sat on the sofa and after a while the guy she was talking to came past, he came over and they started talking. Beginning to feel the third wheel I left. I went over to SK, AS, MU, JK and others. SK said “where’s your best friend?” and then started going on about how I said I hated her the day before. That was a joke. What happened was JLS goes to me “I’m you’re best friend, aren’t I?” I said: “Nah, I hate you all, except…” A few people. Obviously a joke. But she has to take it seriously. Then MR and NS came past and we began to talk about Divwali (happy Divwali everyone!) and this guy MR was talking to that added her randomly on facebook, wanted her number and may see her tonight at this Divwali celebration and she didn’t want to see him even though theyd been flirting. So to find out that was worth it. Then we went to English.
In English, I expected JLS just to apologise but she was like “I’m glad you went” yadayadayada. Basically she said she likes him and since her boyfriend is still being controlling and harsh she thinks he’s sweet and stuff. I couldn’t care less. I just think it’s a little harsh she didn’t care her so called “best friend” left. Anyway as I was looking on Miss’ desk I saw our target grades. Mine was an A*. There is no way in Hell I can get that. So I was panicking in my head. A bit later, I got all teary eyes. I was glad to get in the car.
Though I did lose my temper a lot with my dad. I turned whatever he said to be an offence against me, professing everything he said to be a nasty thing against me. I then told him that if he was going to moan about the flu like a baby he should go to the doctors. He then goes onto say he has chest pains. He always gets chest pains when stressed. I tell him to go get the free health check that he got told about in a letter. He’s going blind and deaf. He has cataracts but still legal to drive. He says he just needs his ear drains to stop being deaf. And OMFG I’m just so done. If he doesn’t want to listen then he loses levarage… So whatever… I don’t even… Yeah. He apologised and he said if I promise not to make off handed comments about commiting suicide (which I meant at the time) then in the next year he will get a health check.
I’ll keep that promise, not because the thoughts will go but because he needs a health check.
I’ve also had an idea. I have two things on my computer which make me feel better, print them out and laminate them to make cheer up cards 😀