Future Thinking

This year; school year. Is mainly about the future. What A levels we want to do. What university courses we’re thinking of taking. Personal statements. All this stuff! See when manic, you don’t want to think futuristic – well not that far. You, well I, want to live in the moment. However, I’m not adverse to thinking as far as lunch time.

So my current mood is about a D on the scale. But my mood today was B/A. More A. I calm down after dinner… maybe the atmosphere.

Even in my manic state, I do think a little in the future. I think Christmas. Problems arise. School doesn’t break up for Christmas till the 21st of December… That hardly leaves time  to do things like shop for presents. JLS wants to go Christmas shopping on the 23rd which is a Saturday. I run into problems. Firstly, she wants manic me not depressed me (ignore the possibility of medication) so let’s do mood maths! *cheers*
So I’m manic now, started 6th definitely 7th. Let’s start from the 6th.
Usual 8 day mania: 6+8=14. That brings us to the 14th this Wednesday. Let’s add 4 days of mixed. Brings us to 18th this Sunday.
Now three weeks of depression, 3 weeks is 21 days. 18+21=39. There are not 39 days in a month. There are 30 days in this month, that would mean the 9th December.
Mania for 8 days bringing us to the 17th December. 4 days mixed, the 21st of December. Three weeks depression: 21+21=42days. 31 days in December so that brings us to 12th of January.
Which means, if I’m left unmedicated I will ring in the new year and Christmas depressed and won’t be manic when I go Christmas shopping with JLS.
So one problem is depression.
2nd is if the paid for psychiatrist gives medication, he picks the worst time as if there is a problem and I need a dose adjusted I will basically have to wait till the new year.
I suppose I still could go town for Christmas shopping. But I probably won’t buy their main present there as all the good stuff will probably be gone. Just a few bits and pieces. SORTED!
Not that I know what to get them. A violent xbox 360 game and dad… he never makes it easy.

I even went so far as to think of work experience in March. I thought that even I with my tarot cards cannot predict whether I’ll be in a stable place and since the letter had to be in for end of November (not december), it’s just wise to say “no”. I don’t want to let anyone down. So like a responsible bipolar bear… Yes, I love that phrase. Anyway, responsible bipolar bear, I went and talked to my teacher. I told her, that neither my dad or me thought it wise to be around vunerable groups. (Side note, just bought my brothers Christmas Present off eBay – “red dead redemption undead nightmare xbox 360″ is the lovely name of it) Back to my point. She went onto say that they’re not all vunerable groups. Another teacher got involved who is also my health teacher and to sum it up she said that most settings would let you have a moment if need be and you’re wise enough to say when you need a moment, I mean you were wise enough to come and speak to us. You handle school quite well, I’m sure you’ll be fine. I had actually gone down in mania terms and had a hint of anxiety. So I hadn’t the guts to argue it. The problem with that theory? I am responsible and wise enough to come speak to you because I know if I have an episode there you’ll blame me. I manage school because of the support system I have. The fact I know and am comfortable with the dynamics of the place is also a major help. I don’t recognise sometimes an episode and JLS has to be the one who takes me to Mrs BG or the medical room or who has to wait it out with me. If I’m in a mixed episode, I could hurt someone. I don’t want them seeing my self harm, I had to hide it last work experience. Why do they have to make it difficult for me ust won’t get the letter signed. Least I tried.

I talked with JLS today about when the whole mood thing started. People started noticing it in March. I didn’t admit it was a problem till May. I think it started way in the beginning of last year and progressively got worse. But who knows in this joyous world of insanity?

I got my RE (short course) and 1st Science GCSE certificates for year 10. I’ll get majority of the certificates at the end of next year.

Fairly boring blog I suppose.
Did I just make a self pity comment about my own blog?
All downhill from here…

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