So as it is the last day of the month, time to show you my mood diary…

Mood diary.       Depressed: Most depressed 5. Least depessed 1. Most hyper E. Least hyper A. Normal 0.

Day Mood Other notes.
Thursday 27th September Depressed.

4.

Day off school because too tired and too depressed to get out of bed. Stayed in bed most of the day. Intrusive thoughts made depression worse. Lethargic and not wanting to be sociable.
Friday 28th September Depressed

3.5

Day off school due to depression. Same as day before.
Saturday 29th September Depression

4

Irritability. Unsociable. Tense. Argumentative. Short tempered.
Sunday 30th September Day: Depressed: 3

Evening: Hyper – B

Night: Depressed

4.5 – Possible mixed episode

Day: Depressed.

Evening: Fast speech, lot of energy, need to be creative, high self esteem.

Night:

Suicidal. Uncontrollable crying because of suicidal thoughts. Punched wall.

Monday 1st October Depressed.

5.

Suicidal, even in the day.

Even harder to get out of bed.

Tuesday 2nd October Depressed.

4.5.

Suicidal, even in the day.

Even harder to get out of bed.

Wednesday 3rd October Depressed.

5

Suicidal, even in the day. Extremely bad intrusive thoughts.

Even harder to get out of bed.

Thursday 4th October Depressed: 2 Low mood but thoughts not intrusive.
Friday 5th October Hyper.

C

Fast thoughts, fast speech, elated feeling.
Saturday 6th October. Hyper.

C

Fast thoughts, fast speech, elated feeling.
Sunday 7th October. Hyper.

C.5

Fast thoughts, fast speech, elated feeling. Increased self confidence.
Monday 8th October Hyper.

C.5

Fast thoughts, fast speech, elated feeling. Increased self confidence. Need to keep talking.
Tuesday 9th October Hyper. B

Mixed episode.

Fast thoughts, fast speech, elated feeling. Increased self confidence. Need to keep talking. Slowly coming down into a period of irritability, depressed features but with ‘hyper mood’ tendencies.
Wednesday 10th October Hyper B

Mixed Episode.

 
Thursday 11th October Hyper A Possible trigger: birthday.
Friday 12th October Hyper B  
     
Saturday 13th October Hyper B/A  
Sunday 14th October Hyper C/B  
Monday 15th October Depressed 2  
Tuesday 16th October Depressed 2  
Wednesday 17th October Depressed 4  
Thursday 18th October Depressed 3  
Friday 19th October Depressed 3  
Saturday 20th October Depressed 2  
Sunday 21st October Depressed 4  
Monday 22nd October Depressed 3 Hearing my name being called when it wasn’t and little bits of talking but no words, just quiet. At different points throughout the day. Seeing things in my peripheral vision, visual.
Tuesday 23rd October Depressed 4 Hearing my name being called when it wasn’t and little bits of talking but no words, just quiet. At different points throughout the day. Visual hallucinations in peripheral vision.
Wednesday 24th October Depressed 3 Hallucination of a girl whilst at the dentist. Visual hallucination. Saw a girl in the light, a cartoon girl. She stayed in the light – waving. Until I left because I could no longer see the light which is where she probably stayed.
Thursday 25th October   Between 2:10 and 2:15am: I thought I saw a piece of paper flapping in my peripheral vision. Like a fan was blowing it. I looked up expecting to see my old pictures that I drew flapping about the fan. I looked and then I remembered the pictures were taken down when I redecorated and cleaned my room and the fan wasn’t on. So I came back to my computer. It happened again but this time I didn’t look as fast as the colour was a greyish colour and looked more like a sleeve, the long flappy sleeves that clowns wear. The more olden day clowns. It happens a third time. Then never happens again. Then I thought I saw a fly, fly onto my green box but I looked and it wasn’t there and I couldn’t hear the buzzing when I looked.
Friday 26th October Depressed 3  
Saturday 27th October Depressed 5  
Sunday 28th October Depressed 4  
Monday 29th October Depressed 4 Unconnected, like dissociative sleep thing.
Tuesday 30th October Early morning: Depressed 5

Late Morning, afternoon, evening: Depressed 3

Evening: Depressed 5

Around 3am I heard voices. They were just calling my name over and over. Out of unison. I think there was between 8-10 people. Females and males. I say between 8-10 because I couldn’t distinguish different voices because they were whispering over each other. I could really only make out there was a lot of them and a mix of female and male. I then began to feel very disconnected to my surroundings. So I began to panic. The suicidal feelings then rose; I was sucidal and exceptionally paranoid and I thought all the posters and pictures were staring at me and judging me, so I began to remove them. Panic attack began to erupt and so I felt faint and went to sit down on the chair in my dad’s room. Dad awoke, I began to pace. I just began talking and talking. To distract myself but the voices were still going strong. Eventually I began the subject of psych wards. Some of the voices stopped calling my name but instead just whispered “crazy” “crazy girl” at me. Around 6:15, I was tired. The adrenaline from the panic attack had gone back to normal level but like usual it makes me tired. Took two diazepam pills (4mg). Still woozy and dizzy. I lay down but I got antsy again and paced. I feel asleep around 7:20am. After being in bed for 1/2 hour. I slept till about 10am. Had a nightmare. Woke up panicked. I really only fell asleep because the voices gradually reduced.
Wednesday 31st October Depressed 3  
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24 thoughts on “So as it is the last day of the month, time to show you my mood diary…

    • The last nightmare I had (please don’t ask me to remember one from weeks ago) 😉
      I’m going assume you meant the one after the hallucination.
      I don’t remember all of it. I just remember that I was scared and it involved my dad, brother, a friend and someone else, I don’t really remember because it wasn’t one of the bad ones. It was one of the middling ones.

            • Hehe, that is also a good plan.

              I don’t really remember what happened. But the middling ones are rarely the same. The worst is ‘flashback’ and the next worse is being trapped in the same room/house as my mother and not being able to leave.

              Haha, well sweeties are involved.

                  • we have some left, we probably only had about half as many as we bought for, and I like the ones my roommates saved too 😉

                    I wonder if the trapped one is a part of the other one munchkin.

                    How was your night?

                    • Hehe, well that’s good.

                      I doubt it. I was never trapped with her. Plus it’s not a flashback. I think I would remember being trapped in a house with her and my brother and dad leaving and then somehow ending up in monster trucks (that’s one version). Another is being trapped in a tavern with her but breaking out while wearing the sort of dresses you see in once upon a time, I think I’d remember that too.
                      The black bit in the flashback is probably just the more gory details. Plus, after it happened he went downstairs and everyone went to the park. So it really isn’t the other bit because there is no other bit.

                      The same as usual. An hours sleep.

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