Floaty feeling, hallucinations and depression.

So I wrote yesterday (this morning) about the floaty feeling. which subsided with my hour of sleep last night.

But recently I’ve been having halluncinations. The reason I didn’t mention it because I wasn’t sure.

Let me start this from the beginning:

So I was researching this floaty feeling because I was just interested if any other people with bipolar disorder experience it, I came across Dysphoria and it sounds a lot like the mixed episode I have where depression is the prominant mood. But I’m not into self diagnosisng so I’m not going to say that I have it. I’m just saying they sound a lot a like that period. Anyway, back tracking a little. I went to the dentist and I was lying the chair and they have that light and I was looking at it and I saw this girl, not a human, more like a childs drawing of a girl. Have you ever seen Spongebob Squarepants and the epsiode of the doodle, it was that sort of graphics, that sort of creepiness but it was in colour. She had blonde strawlike hair, a badly coloured in burlap sack looking dress, green eyes. It was in the corner of the light. At first I thought it was a reflection off the poster but he moved the light and I expected it, if it was a reflection to move but it didn’t it stayed in the corner and it moved as well. Like waved. So I was just lying there, silently screaming in my head, watching it.

But for the past few days I got the occassional glint of something in my perhipheral vision and it wasn’t always the same thing but made me increasingly paranoid. But the most horrifying thing is. So far I have had auditory hallunications. But now I’m getting visual ones.

I went to look up the floaty feeling and I found dysphoria, under bipolar on about.com. I then saw that you can expeience audio hallunications with it and it reminded me of what happened at the dentist so I searched google to see if you can have hallunications in a depression period. You can. I went on about.com again and I found this:

“I don’t see pink cartoon bunnies, but sometimes when manic or hypomanic I think I see things like motion peripherally where there is none or stuff moving in the reflections in mirrors. I think I hear my name or weird unclear snatches of noise. It makes me paranoid and then I see more stuff, but I don’t actually see anything. It’s more like a visual or auditory twitch.”

That’s what’s been happening to me recently. Hearing my name being called or just unclear words. Things in my peripheral vision but the girl in the dentist was just clearly there. But this makes me paranoid. I walk down the street and hear my name or part of a conversation and I get paranoid of my surroundings and then I either run to the car or cling to my dad.

I haven’t bought up the hallucinations with my dad, well he knows about and knows I can have them. But I wasn’t sure because it wasn’t a conversation and it wasn’t in my eye line and what with me being tired and prone to fits of paranoia, I just thought it was my mind playing tricks on me rather than a bipolar thing. So I never bothered worrying him with it. But now, after reading that and after seeing that girl, I’m sure my hallunications are getting worse and knowing what I’m experiencing is hallcination is just going to make me panic more

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17 thoughts on “Floaty feeling, hallucinations and depression.

  1. I think you should confide in your Dad more Munchkin. Honestly. He should know everything you experience, it gives you someone to talk to about it and someone reasonable to take something farther if needed, he would understand your feelings/moods more too I think. I figured you would see the articles on Dysphoria, Remember though to avoid self diagnosis, it just adds to your worries.

    Anxiety in general will produce hallucinations, even complex ones.

    Make some separate notes about all of this and submit them with your mood diary. Be as detailed as you can.

    was the image sort of like Amy’s gravatar?

    • I wasn’t not telling him in an unconfiding way. I just wasn’t sure. There’s no point telling anyone: “I think I’m having visual halluincations” with just the perhipal things because a lot of people will doubt the validity of them because everyone gets them sometimes. It wasn’t until the dentist I realized they weren’t normal. I am planning on telling him, just finding a moment. He knows about the depression, pretty much all of it. Mania is harder to explain because when the mania is happening, I can’t talk about it because the thought doesn’t stay their long enough to be explained. Plus no one is concerned enough to ask because my dad sees it as a relief because “at least I’m not suicidal”.
      yeah πŸ˜› I’m not self diagnosising, i’m not saying I have it. I just think it’s a good point of reference for the floaty feelings.
      So hallucinations are anxiety based? From what I read just being bipolar type 1 can produce it. Plus some people get them in the mania, I can get them in mania when I have no anxiety.
      I have a “notes section” in the diary. I wrote a bit. But there’s not a lot to say.
      No, it wasn’t like that. Her image is quite well drawn, quite bright. This one was more a Tim Burton illustration from his book.

      • Remember Amy had hallucinations, She was also concerned. I am sure they were based on anxiety. That is the bodies worst tormentor, look at all the physical things anxiety causes. Stomach problems, rashes, IBS.. it is a long list. No different in what it can do in the mind. You experience a much deeper level of anxiety right now. Check your blood pressure though.

        This is a good time to say don’t worry and watch you grimace.. *hugs* And I obliviously know those words are meaningless and often annoying. When you saw your stick drawing, were you still feeling floaty?

        I have a question Munchkin, when you are feeling suicidal, do you pass that on to Dad?

        • I know Amy had them but we have different mental illnesses, so I can’t base too much on her. Well stress, not anxiety cause IBS – it’s important to know the difference between the two. I don’t get anxiety/stress rashes. So I don’t know much about them. I did some researching and I found: “There are 3 pathophysiologic mechanisms thought to account for complex visual hallucinations theses mechanisms consist of the following:

          The first mechanism involves irritation of cortical centers responsible for visual processing (e.g., seizure activity). The irritation of the primary visual cortex causes simple elementary visual hallucinations.

          The second mechanism involves lesions that cause deafferentation of the visual system may lead to cortical release phenomenon, which includes visual hallucination.

          The third mechanism is the reticular activating system, which has been linked to the genesis of visual hallucinations.

          Since there are many causes of hallucinations–lack of sleep, drugs, certain types of epilepsy, and prolonged meditation-not all causes are related to psychological disorders.

          Strong ongoing stress can lead to panic attacks, severe depression, bipolar disorder, OCD, and psychoses including hallucinations. Assuming the person does not have a medical disorder like blood sugar problems, or major glandular disorders, all these symptoms are as a result of stress causing tired glands (meaning out of whack hormone secretions) which can strongly affect the brain’s neurochemistry. There are many medications that stop hallucinations. A psychiatrist is the expert in this area. A therpaist is only for therapy to help reduce stress. It’s also important to have a healthy diet, cardio exercise and quality sleep. Sleep deprivation can cause hallucinations for instance.

          I’m not going lie though, I did find some stuff about anxiety causing hallucinations. But like severe anxiety. I don’t have that. Severe anxiety isn’t just panic attacks, it’s fear and phobias. I only have a phobia of spiders and don’t get panic attacks whe I see them. So I doubt it is that. Probably a combination of sleep deprivation and bipolar.

          I worry. If I don’t then I lose control and then what’s the point? It wasn’t a stick drawing. A stick drawing is as the word says – sticks. Not fully coloured and stuff. I’ll try and find a Tim Burton character out of his book who looks similar and send you the link. Nope, not at all floaty. Not even a little bit.

          Do you mean do I tell my dad? When it’s not too bad I tell him because the REALLY bad suicidal feelings that cause me to self harm are at night when he’s asleep and no, it’s not about not wanting to wake him because I consider his sleep needs more important. i don’t wake him up because he can’t function when he’s woken up.

      • eeeeps you are researching again. but I know I would. Anxiety can and does cause hallucinations. Combined with your lack of sleep, this, I think becomes more likely, everything is amplified with your lack of sleep. Your lack of sleep is a huge contributory factor to most of your symptoms. There are not many articles you are going to find that list a major lack of sleep combined with other things. Know what I mean?

        Meds are going to help with all of this. I know how frustrated you feel and helpless too I suspect. Waiting, with each change in the symptoms/ moods and new experience that too grows tormenting you further. Write everything you experience so you can tell pdoc without forgetting anything.

        nods, I know the type drawing you mean, I just shortened it to stick drawing.

        How much do your siblings know munchkin? If you don’t want to disturb Dad, could you wake your brother? you are going through so much alone, and it isn’t fair. So much comfort could be had if you shared it a bit, to gather some of their strength. I know you don’t want to bother them, but if I was them I would be so much happier if you woke me, so I could help you through those bad times. It is great to be strong and face things alone, but not always.

        you can’t turn worry off. there is no switch. It is always worse at night and when alone.

        • I don’t think it’s anxiety based. If it was anxiety based my hallucinatory problems would heighten in crowds and they don’t. I was very relaxed in the dentist chair. It’s due to lack of sleep and bipolar – possibly type 1.

          Yeah I know meds are going to help, I don’t feel frustrated or helpless to be honest. Well maybe a little frustrated but not helpless. My main mood is that I’m bored with all these changes now. Maybe if I was given a challege I’d feel helpless.

          lol, okay πŸ™‚

          My little brother knows the more obvious things. The mood changes and the more obvious parts of that as well as the panic attacks. My older brother knows I’m bipolar.
          Wake my thirteen year old brother? That is the one thing I won’t do. I refuse to get my brother deeper into this than need be. he’s just a kid. He doesn’t deserve to worry at night that his sister will kill herself whilst he’s asleep. I’m not going to torment another soul.
          It’s not about not wanting to bother them. My brother is being kept out of this as much as possible because he doesn’t deserve that. My dad is old fashioned, stiff upper lip type. I tell him but he doesn’t understand what half of it means. That’s the problem. I need someone who has/is experiencing the same sort of thing. That is a nice idea, you being the one. *hugs*

      • your older brother isn’t living with you now? I think you either said no, or I gathered that from your blog. I wish you could sit with someone when those feelings swirl about you.

        You know, old fashioned and stiff upper lip.. they are tiny masks, behind them is a lot of compassion that is hidden, but to understand is difficult, perhaps going very slow with him, maybe sharing some articles together. I know you don’t want to wake him, but maybe if you know he knows, it just gives you a bit more comfort. does he know about self harm?

        it may not help, but the next time you become overwhelmed, whisper to me like I am sitting beside you, you would know what I would say.. you could have a conversation. tis healthy. *hugs tight*

        • All my older sibling are in their thirties and above πŸ˜› They have never lived in the same house as me.

          My dad has compassion, I never said he didn’t. He just doesn’t know how to deal. He’ll either under react or over react. Article sharing? Jeez, I can’t let him know I research on the internet. Drives me mad. Haha, no. He will never know about self harm, unless I die and they figure what the scars are.

          Remind me who says it’s healthy to talk to yourself? :3

      • lol, backwards first… you are talking to me, so it is good. Give it at try, deep down you know what I would say.

        Well you know him, but you could be surprised, starting with something simple, not scary. sharing that article, perhaps on sleep. working from there. It is a lot to take in, look how long you have had.

        • I talk to myself when manic. Talking to myself when depressed just depresses me further. I have tried it.

          Yeah, I do know him. It’s sort of hard for you to say how he’ll react when you’ve just read my blogs. But thanks but I can’t take this advice of yours. They say knowledge is power but it’s also a curse. Knowing what I suffer will make my dad wrap me in bubble wrap, take away any item that could cause me problems or be considered triggers. My books, my pictures. He’d take away belts and pain medications. I refuse to live under lock and key.

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