So I wrote yesterday (this morning) about the floaty feeling. which subsided with my hour of sleep last night.
But recently I’ve been having halluncinations. The reason I didn’t mention it because I wasn’t sure.
Let me start this from the beginning:
So I was researching this floaty feeling because I was just interested if any other people with bipolar disorder experience it, I came across Dysphoria and it sounds a lot like the mixed episode I have where depression is the prominant mood. But I’m not into self diagnosisng so I’m not going to say that I have it. I’m just saying they sound a lot a like that period. Anyway, back tracking a little. I went to the dentist and I was lying the chair and they have that light and I was looking at it and I saw this girl, not a human, more like a childs drawing of a girl. Have you ever seen Spongebob Squarepants and the epsiode of the doodle, it was that sort of graphics, that sort of creepiness but it was in colour. She had blonde strawlike hair, a badly coloured in burlap sack looking dress, green eyes. It was in the corner of the light. At first I thought it was a reflection off the poster but he moved the light and I expected it, if it was a reflection to move but it didn’t it stayed in the corner and it moved as well. Like waved. So I was just lying there, silently screaming in my head, watching it.
But for the past few days I got the occassional glint of something in my perhipheral vision and it wasn’t always the same thing but made me increasingly paranoid. But the most horrifying thing is. So far I have had auditory hallunications. But now I’m getting visual ones.
I went to look up the floaty feeling and I found dysphoria, under bipolar on about.com. I then saw that you can expeience audio hallunications with it and it reminded me of what happened at the dentist so I searched google to see if you can have hallunications in a depression period. You can. I went on about.com again and I found this:
“I don’t see pink cartoon bunnies, but sometimes when manic or hypomanic I think I see things like motion peripherally where there is none or stuff moving in the reflections in mirrors. I think I hear my name or weird unclear snatches of noise. It makes me paranoid and then I see more stuff, but I don’t actually see anything. It’s more like a visual or auditory twitch.”
That’s what’s been happening to me recently. Hearing my name being called or just unclear words. Things in my peripheral vision but the girl in the dentist was just clearly there. But this makes me paranoid. I walk down the street and hear my name or part of a conversation and I get paranoid of my surroundings and then I either run to the car or cling to my dad.
I haven’t bought up the hallucinations with my dad, well he knows about and knows I can have them. But I wasn’t sure because it wasn’t a conversation and it wasn’t in my eye line and what with me being tired and prone to fits of paranoia, I just thought it was my mind playing tricks on me rather than a bipolar thing. So I never bothered worrying him with it. But now, after reading that and after seeing that girl, I’m sure my hallunications are getting worse and knowing what I’m experiencing is hallcination is just going to make me panic more