Manic, loves.

I know… I know… I said I wasn’t going to blog. But I have had the biggest laugh in a long time today.

Because I’m hypomanic? Possibly.

Possibly because of an email I received. In my emails for this blog, I get people asking advice, trying to help me. The usual stuff you’d expect to receive when you write a blog on here. But today, of all days, I received an email (directly quoted):

What’s your opinion of Justin Bieber?

I was at a loss for words. I don’t know whether my answer to this will be the deciding factor in whether you openly talk to me or whether this is a joke or a troll. But honestly, I laughed.

My answer? I know him primarily through the comments on the internet. I only did hear one song, ‘Baby’ I believe it is called or at least I assume it’s called that since he repeats that one word over and over again. I didn’t like his music, I only did follow the charts for a short period longer after that so was never shown anymore. Wait… one more “eenie meenie”, I like Sean Kingston in it. I’m not going to lie. But I’m not that fond of his music. Him as a person? Well I don’t know him well enough to comment. I do know some ‘bibeliers’ and yes they are the screaming fan girl type.

Anything you want to ask or talk about: < BOOM! Email.

Now, I have a question for you. If someone were to say to you: “But that doesn’t compare to what I do to myself when you’re not there”

What would you think of? (Leave comments 🙂 )

I would think of self harm. I asked a girl what she would thought of and she said and I kid you not and I do not want any judgement about her answer. She answered “Masturbation”.

When I asked why she said: “The comparison could be made to their sex, like he’s bad at it and so when he goes home, she masturbates.” I asked whether she had ever done this and been in this situation before she had said she had and isn’t ashamed.

I’ve been thinking about what secret to do for Secret Day on the 18th and I have thought of a magnitude of secrets. But some I do want to one day talk about and I want my secret that I write I want it to be a stand alone secret that no one can talks about and that I will not go indepth about because that’s what the secret are about. But I think I’ve picked one and will now start making the card. My dream has always be to have lots and lots of people send me secrets and I made a book and it will be my book, it will not be printed up and massly produced but it will be looked after and cherished. Maybe I could print out all the secrets I get sent and stick them in a little book or something.

My secret also has to be quite personal so people feel ready to open up their secrets. I’m close to picking it.

Keep jumping from one topic to the next and I usually get bored with one topic quickly but force myself to continue.

Today has been a good day but I have to admit. I hate mania in school. At lunch and break – amazing. Classes, they remember my rowdiness and then hate me but they should know about my bipolar but wanna know what I think? Some teachers don’t look me in the eye. My male sociology teacher for one. Some avoid looking at me, some overly look at me and some… well some treat me exactly the same.

Did I tell you what happened with Mr TD?

Well Tuesday, walking into school – depressed. He’s there like he is every Tuesday and he is doing what every teacher in the rota (I imagine they have) have to do. Get the smokers off school property (unfortuantely meaning they congregate on the pavement outside high school which has younger kids in and meaning that everyone who passes them breathes in 2nd hand smoke and have to push their way past, least before they were out of the way and they were in a dip so you didn’t really breath in as much 2nd hand smoke – well done school). I put my earphones in, I had no wish to talk to anybody that day and music also gives me the confidence to walk through the crowds. Usually I ignore him and he ignores me but today I see him edging towards me. I see he wants to talk so I remove the earphone furthest away and also the earphone that is in the crackling (and part deaf ear). I keep the other in. He says hello and asks how I am? Every teacher asks me that recently and I know the subtext and what I wish every teacher would follow my Miss S (English teacher’s) lead. The subtext being: “Hello, I’ve had the email you’re bipolar. What mood are you in today and just how stable are you?” Miss S never asked how stable I was but I wish people would ask that instead of pussyfooting around it. I tell him I am fine as I have no interest in venturing deeper into the subject. He tells me I have missed some lessons, 5 sources but I could do this work in class. I thought this was the start of him being nice.

It wasn’t. Thursday back to his old ways – looks and picking on me. Not as bad as before but still bad.

I have an urge to bake but baking is not acceptable in my mind till after 3am. I am going to make a lot of scoobies or possibly watch something. I haven’t watched Doctor Who this series, well I watched the 1st one but the depression got too bad and I just stopped but I have them downloaded on iPlayer. I will find something.

I just wanna do something amazing at the moment. Too elated. Too ansty. Too happy!


4 thoughts on “Manic, loves.

  1. Justin Bieber’s new album isn’t that bad 🙂 The thing I don’t like about him is the fact that he shows off with his voice too much and says “swag” way too much. Other than That, the only thing I don’t like about him is is fans. Lol.
    And about your question, if someone were to say that to me, I don’t know what I would think of. It depends on they way they say it or in what context. If were having a sexual conversation, I would probably think they meant masturbation too. If we were having a serious conversation, I would probably think of self harm.
    – Amy

    • I’d never say anyone was a bad singer unless I’d heard them properly. But the song ‘baby’ wasn’t my cup of tea. I never listened to him after that as I found that the quality of music in the charts was decreasing. I’m not a big fan of ‘swag’ to be honest. I’m not going to lie I do find posts that mock swag hilarious.
      That’s true, I mean when someone asked me that question my immediate thought was “self harm and crying” and then they asked me: “Tell me honestly what you thought of.” I said “Self harm” and they said that everyone thinks of someone and so I said to this girl I talk to “Can I ask an odd question?” she said “Sure.” and I asked and she said that. I rather admired her honesty because whilst we’d both been down the route of self harm, neither have talked of sex that in depth.

  2. I am still thinking about that. I am tempted to ask it on my blog, because most are not going to be thinking of self harm there, but I think some are. (whispers lemons again)

    it is a lyric in a song by Emilie Autumn in case you didn’t know.

    • I did actually (I love Emilie Autumn). Someone asked it me that I met on Emilie Autumn forum xD I mean I knew the lyric but everyone thinks of something when they hear that lyric. So that’s why she asked me.

Leave a Musing...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s