Doctors – GP

Firstly, Mr TD did not have a go at me, not that he could, just a few dirty looks during the history controlled assessment. The teacher in science didn’t hear my phone go off twice, one after eachother. From texts – SP and my dad. Or she did and ignored it.

But doctors. Doctors went okay. My dad never wants to speak about my mum, neither do I but I do suppose I’m not being fair as I’ve gotten 3 years to get over it, he hasn’t even had a month. But okay.

My dad wanted me to go and he explained my problem – the amount he knew and saw – quite well, which is unusual of him to be so articulte about this sort of stuff. So I was happy. The doctor, seemed to be helpful, he listened. He agreed with my dad’s view on CAMHS and suggested we go private as we’d have a diagnosis the very same day which obviously sounds like a wonderful thing because when people ask what my mental illness is, I won’t pull a face and say “Er, well it’s complicated. I went to CAMHS but they didn’t diagnose me but my GP thinks it’s bipolar” so everyone just pulls a face, a trying-to-be-sympathetic-but-really-wonder-whether-you’re-just-making-it-up-face. I mean, I’m not angling for a particular diagnosis. But from what my doctor has said bipolar seems logical. He gave us a sealed letter and told us to give it to the psychatrist he recommended. Knowing there was a piece of information out there with my name on that I have not yet had the privilge to read so I asked my dad if we could steam it open, a thing he has done numerous times before. He actually didn’t need to steam it, he opened it without help of steam. I read it. Basically the first page was the medication I’ve been put on recently (sleeping tablets and iron pills), an allergy to pencillin which I had 12 years ago and have not had another since. The next page is minor (but bad) illness of the past as well as serve things which included my operation to have my appendix removed (a story for another day) and seeing a CPN with associated text saying ‘anxiety due to housing situation’ back in 2007 – this was not my anxiety, this was my mothers. Then my doctor scribbled at the bottom of that page:

Dear [X (no idea what the hell the name says)]

? Bipolar disorder

Slow assessment by camhs                                                                                                               Not insured

father desperate for help                                                                                                            [Odd little symbol] Mother

appreicate you assessment

The next page was a list of addresses and numbers. The page after was list of current medications and signaficant health things – appendictomy and seen by CPN and the beginning of a letter. The letter, for the most part annoyed me. Firstly because one of the paragraphs he talked about my mother and he got it completely wrong. I didn’t lose contact, I stopped contact. My mother stopped seeing me, my mother was made to stop seeing me.  He said that I didn’t like my mother boyfriend, that’s true to a point but that was the one before her fiance. I never met her fiance but he threatened my dad so I obviously took a deep dislike to him after that but before that I had absoultely no opinion of him. He fucked that entire paragrah up. He kept stating through the letter that it was ‘Cyclothymic or bipolar disorder’, now I’m not an expert and I don’t claim to know everything. But I do have fullblown mania, not often usually hypomania but I have had at least two manic episodes, I have mixed episodes and auditory hallincations, what does that sound like on the specrum of bipolar? The problem is, due to my age no one believes it could be so bad. But  my doctor was amazed that adult sleeping pills didn’t work and said my chemicals in the brain were definitely not right which is also a bipolar thing. I mean for a long time I believed I was making this up and it was all in my head. But could I fight off sleeping pills? I mean could I really make up suicidal thoughts? Could I honestly be so untired after not sleeping for nights on end? Honestly no. But a formal diagnosis will helo me believe it.

In other news and as a light hearted-ish end. I took some mental health tests. I know, you should never take any of them serious, but I just thought I’d share my results.

First test I did:

Paranoid: Very High

Schizoid: Moderate

Schiotypical: Moderate.

Anti social: Very High

Borderline: Very High

Histronic: Low

Narasstic: Low

Avoidant: High

Dependent: High

Obsessive Compulsive: High

I know that a lot of symptoms are similar for so many disorders, I just find it interesting: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv

I took another one after that:

Major Depression: High

Dysthyma: Slight Moderate

Cyclothymic: Very High

Bipolar: Extremely High

Seasonal Affective Disorder: Very High

Postpartum Depression: N/A

I know how invalid these tests are, just interesting. http://www.depressedtest.com/

Remember you can always email me at:

myobviouslittlesecret@hotmail.co.uk

Disorder Rating Information
Paranoid: Very High more info | forum
Schizoid: Moderate more info | forum
Schizotypal: Moderate more info | forum
Antisocial: High more info | forum
Borderline: Very High more info | forum
Histrionic: Low more info | forum
Narcissistic: Low more info | forum
Avoidant: High more info | forum
Dependent: High more info | forum
Obsessive-Compulsive: High more info | forum
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4 thoughts on “Doctors – GP

  1. I have hallucinations of the mind, Voices and Visions and such. They say it is Bipolar II, so I go with that, but I also think that I’m partially Schizotypal if not Schizophrenic after 8 days of Hell in Jail and Solitary Lockup. I BECAME someone else. I was not me. Yet, I was. Very confusing.

    • That’s horrible, I’m so sorry you had to suffer that. It does sound schizo, though I’m not sure what type. Is there not a psychatrist who would diagnose that? Also, it sounds more serious than bipolar type 2, it sounds like it should be type 2 or at least type 2 bipolar with something else.

  2. Your amazing the way you explain you self. I can feel what your going through. This helps people see that there is others that suffer with mental illness. And the way you describe it helps them learn about theres. Your special weather. 🙂

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