Before I start my blog, I’d like to address a question I received via email: “Why do you use initals instead of names?”
I use initals because I don’t want anyone I mention on this blog found via a social networking sites or anything and bullied, not saying that any of you lovely people would but I have experienced a person online getting very friendly, becoming overly protective and confronting the people that have done harm to me whether they just make a comment or get physical and whilst I admire the sentiment, I don’t think people deserve harrassment no matter how bad they are.
I suppose my day started at 5am as I can’t actually remember the night before. I hadn’t been drinking alcohol (as I don’t drink), I hadn’t been taking drugs (as I don’t take drugs) but I can’t remember the night before, my dad said I said good night to him so I was up and I had replied to messages on my phone between 8:30pm and 5am (I did fall asleep from anytime after 2am till 5am) the next morning but I don’t remember doing so, I don’t know whether my memory has gotten bad because of lack of sleep or another mental illness (such as an dissociative disorder). Anyway, my day started when I received a text off AS whose uncle had suffered cardiac arrest and was (and still is) on life support and have a 50/50 chance of living and if he does, he will have disabilities. So I comforted her best I could. Though my awkwardness does shine through as I never know what to say. I’ve never been to a funeral, I honestly don’t know what to say, any advice?
I also had the flu, cough, which is never good for such a wheezing chest which was damaged when I had iron deficiency anameia about 2 years ago. Plus depressed, which let’s face it, is all you will ever hear from me for the next few weeks.
Though, I did actually have a day brightener early on. I was walking with SK to textiles and we were discussing how sorry we felt for AS (I had to tell her as she wondered why AS was in the hospital due to a text AS had sent SK) when a boy who was younger than me (if you read back on previous blogs you can probably guess my age) began to wave. I looked around for someone he was waving at but I knew it was SK as she doesn’t have any ‘guy friends’. I didn’t realize who it was until I looked closer. Before I tell you what I said let us rewind 4 years ago.
JLS was not in the same school as me at that time, this boy, let’s call him TI as I don’t know his last name. TI apparently had a crush or to what he says ‘was in love’ with JLS and asked her out but I don’t know whether it was because he was younger than her, because they were both at an awkward age or because he is, what she still calls, an “asshole”.
Anyway, he says to me “why does [JLS] hate me?”
“I don’t know, you seem nice. I mean I like you.”
AS came in, in textiles. She was teary eyed and I tried to comfort her best I could.
I told JLS at break I had spoken to him (we are on speaking terms despite how much she annoys me). She laughed and says she doesn’t like him because he is an asshole but she feels guilty sometimes because he is occassionally likable. I later came up with the suggestion (in the f0rm of a joke) that TI likes JLS still and that if she wanted ‘Youngblood’ (wink wink) I wouldn’t tell SH her boyfriend. It was a joke, obviously. But I hope for TI’s sake that getting JLS to love her isn’t his angle because she is not the least bit interested.
I wasn’t as depressed as I was yesterday but was still depressed throughout the day.
Not helped by my sore throat, coughing and sneezing *bless you*.
Then history and to be honest, Mr T wasn’t that bad, I think because of the coughing and sneezing he left me alone. Too right to, I mean my voice is going and I have never done anything to him. The boys in the class achieved making him red though by asking what he thought of Karren Brady (famous business woman, google her), his reply then being “she’s 46 mother”, that resulted in a chorus of “really?” and “milf” – made me chuckle.
But at lunch, I found myself feeling guilty. AS was telling our little group about her uncle and when MU told AY to shut up in a mean way, I thought: “Yes, justified” Just because you’re not 100% sure of what we’re talking about doesn’t mean you should start talking over us. But it didn’t stop there. SK and MU kept saying “Ew, AY why you here? Go away.” Making fun of what she ate, the make up she wore and just general little comments. I didn’t join in but I didn’t stop it either. I always said to myself that if I saw someone getting bullied or even viciously got at, I would step in. But I didn’t. I could blame it on the fact I have the flu, blame it on the fact I’m depressed and basically just blame it on anything I had wrong with me but I didn’t because I didn’t want to get involved. But I promise you and myself this: I will stick up for AY or anyone next time they are being picked on.