Today’s problem…

College. (yes I am an English college student)

So, my problem is that the teachers treat me like a child and an idiot with sarcastic little remarks.
Then I basically spend breaks and lunches feeling so bloody alone it drives me crazy.
Then I was talking to this girl (let’s give her a nickname for furture posts – JLS, not the band, her initals) and I did at one time in my life regard her as a friend but anytime I say a comment she disagrees with she tells the teacher not in a mean way but what I talk about with her is not the teachers business plus it makes me look like an idiot and I have to defend myself so I, being depressed, I got stressed and upset so I stopped talking to her, so she started flicking my head, triggering my migraines. She then went on a little rant about how I should get a boyfriend, treat him badly and have drama.
I’m going to admit right here I am not the kindest girl to boys; any boys not just a boyfriend or an stranger on the street (please boys don’t let that put you off from contacting me, I am actually a lovely person to boys online and getting better at real life), I’m not mean – just hostile and I have honestly been trying to better myself about that as I can’t take out an issue I had with one guy at a young age on every male I lay my eyes on. But I would never treat any guy the way she treats her boyfriend. I wanted to tell her that while I may act hostile towards boys I would NEVER treat them the way she suggested and that boys aren’t a play thing and I do, despite my hostility, respect them. It just wound me up, that she says that and then I present myself with two options – yell at her, tell her how wrong she is, probably cry and storm out the room OR sit there and continue the silent treatment? I sat there in silence and a few minutes later excused myself from the room and cried in the bathroom.
Returned, having washed my face.

I’m just so sick of school, I want to leave but my dad says that ‘You don’t mean it, you’re only saying it because your in this period’… Father, no it’s not. It’s because I having to suffer the day at that place when everyone has seemed to collaborate together to make my day a living hell is a nightmare and not the ones I have every night I sleep, a real life bloody nightmare.

The whole school annoy me, I can’t go into crowds without having a panic attack. I feel my grades slowly slipping.


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